


don't think it's a dream

by orphan_account



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotions, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Slow Build, Slow Burn, hints of O'Solo i'm sorry, kinda angsty ngl
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:47:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21555712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Just before they head into the locker room, Emily catches Kelley’s eye-(it feels a little like electricity, but maybe she’s just imagining it.)Kelley gives her a smirk, almost like she knows that Emily’s been thinking about her for a little too much these past few weeks, and this is very different than watching Kelley side-tackle people from behind her laptop trying to finish her psych homework.---or,emily's just a little starstruck, kelley gives good advice, and everything slowly builds right up to something more. (post-2015 wc)
Relationships: Kelley O'Hara/Emily Sonnett
Comments: 35
Kudos: 239





	1. light-years

They win their friendly against Chile.

And Emily feels like she’s on some sort of high, because this is her third call-up and she was subbed in at the 70th minute mark and she got her second cap and there are all sorts of things that actually went  _ right _ today.

She’s caught up in the post-win celebration, with the stands full of red, white, and blue and fans chanting and the stadium lights and the atmosphere of it all is intoxicating, addicting, and Emily thinks she could never get enough of this. Being here, Lindsey with an arm around her shoulder, congratulating her for her second cap and a job well done.

Emily watches some of the vets run over to sign autographs - HAO, Abby, the like, but she can’t help that her eyes narrow in on Kelley, who’s run to the other side of the stadium to take selfies with a small group of fans. It’s a little surreal, actually, to even be in the same room as Kelley and everyone else in the first place, after years of watching them behind her laptop screen while trying to complete her psych homework.

(and she would be lying if she said she didn’t feel any sort of attraction to any of them, but that’s something she’s not too prepared to analyze yet.)

They walk into the locker room and even though it was a friendly, there’s still a sort of electric feel to the atmosphere as everyone (her teammates, she corrects) laughs and shouts and she’s reminded that this could be her life now, as long as she works hard and continues to improve.

Someone approaches her as she unties her cleats and she looks up to see Tobin, grinning while Alex jostles her from the side.

“Hey. How did it feel out there?”

“Amazing,” Emily replies honestly, “it was so fast-paced.”

Alex elbows Tobin from the side again, and Emily can see that Alex is anxious to move on for whatever reason.

“You did good out there,” Tobin says, with a sort of ease only she could have, even though she’s already being pushed away by Alex, who flashes her a smile and a “good job!” that is rushed but somehow sincere.

The novelty doesn’t wear off even as they get on the bus an hour later, showered and a little more subdued. Lindsey plops down on the seat next to her, and out of the corner of her eye Emily can see Kelley sit next to Hope (not like she’s looking, or anything).

“Dude,” Lindsey says with a sigh, leaning back against her seat, “today was insane.”

“I know,” Emily replies. “We both got like, minutes and everything.”

Lindsey raises her hand for a high-five and Emily rushes to meet it, except it’s slightly off-center.

“We gotta come up with a handshake,” Emily mumbles and Lindsey nods quickly, and suddenly the rest of the bus ride is spent coming up with something that has to be “natural” (lindsey’s words) and “look cool” (her own). It ends up being this chest-patting swoopy-hand thing that Emily’s not patient enough to explain, and they walk back into the hotel still energized from the game.

She catches a glimpse of Kelley on the elevator back to their floor but Lindsey elbows her lightly to get her attention for something on her phone, and suddenly Emily’s caught-up in binge-watching Grey’s Anatomy with Lindsey back in their room.

It’s the last she sees of Kelley that night.

\---

They’ve exchanged words before, of course. 

They both play outside back (most of the time - Emily’s well aware of Kelley’s incredible goal-scoring abilities) and share mostly the same drills, so they spend most of their time together on the field with the other defenders. And every day, Emily gets to see what a world-class defender  _ really _ looks like; how they approach players, steal the ball, side tackle and it’s a little overwhelming being on a field with so much talent.

“Sonny,” someone calls out from behind her during breakfast, and when Emily turns she can see it’s Kelley, “Hey. Good game yesterday.”

She flashes a grin and Emily’s momentarily starstruck, but she regains composure in time to not look like a complete idiot.

“Thanks.”

“How’s camp treating you?” Kelley asks, adding a muffin to her plate and following Emily, for whatever reason, to sit down beside her at a table.

“I mean, it’s so fast-paced,” Emily replies, “and some of these two-a-days are nasty. And my side tackle needs a lot of work. And the coffee here tastes like ground-up asphalt. But other than that-”

Emily catches herself.

“Sorry, I’m ranting.”

Kelley furrows her eyebrows and turns to look at her with a focused look on her face. “No, you aren’t. Keep going, I want to hear what you think.”

Emily pauses for a second. “Other than that, everything’s pretty chill.”

“Well,” Kelley takes a second to swallow part of her muffin, “you’re right. The coffee here tastes like shit. And you seem to be faring pretty well with the two-a-days, even if you’re dying on the inside. I certainly am.”

Kelley takes another bite of muffin.

“You know, if you wanted I could give you some pointers on the side-tackle.”

Emily almost chokes on her coffee.

“I mean, first draft and everything. Gotta make sure the young’uns aren’t getting lazy,” she gives Emily a light elbow to the side, “also, you’re a Georgia Peach, and us peaches gotta stick together.”

“Okay,” Emily finally manages to get out, “yeah, sure. That would be awesome.”

A moment passes.

“Thank you.”

Kelley just gives her a grin, somehow astronomically bright at seven-thirty am. “Don’t thank me just yet, Sonnett. We’ve got work to do.”

“That sounds only slightly threatening,” Emily says, and something swoops in her chest when she sees Kelley laugh.

“Don’t worry,” someone says from behind her, and she turns to see Alex grinning a little, “she’s pretty harmless. She won’t hurt you unless you’re in the way.”

“Shut up, Janice,” Kelley says, with an ease that Emily hopes she can have one day with everyone here. “Georgia peach, give me your phone.”

Seconds later, her phone buzzes and Kelley hands it back to her with a grin. 

“There. Now you have my number.”

“Y’know, I could’ve also got it from the group chat-“

“Shush,” Kelley says at the same time Alex snorts and says “you’re damn right, Sonny” and Kelley turns to slap Alex’s hand.

Emily hears a clatter from the other side of the table and Lindsey’s there, sitting across from her and looking as grumpy as Emily’s ever seen her.

“Good morning to you too,” Emily says.

“You didn’t wake me up.”

“You look like death right now, Linds. I think you needed the sleep.”

Kelley lets out a snort and Lindsey throws a grape at her, which Emily dodges with practiced ease. 

“Hey, no throwing food,” Kelley chastises, and Emily turns and sticks her tongue out at Kelley on instinct which Kelley aptly returns like they’re five-year-olds arguing over who’s better at tag.

“And I thought I was the young one,” Lindsey says.

Emily throws a grape back at her.

“Shoot,” Kelley murmurs, “I still got to pack. Flight’s at ten-thirty.”

She stands up and puts a hand Emily’s shoulder, and suddenly Emily’s hyper-aware of every contact point between them- Kelley’s thumb pressing lightly against the back of her neck, the slight tingling feeling she gets when someone’s behind her, and it almost feels like too much for seven-thirty in the morning.

“I’ll text you, Sonnett,” Kelley says, and she lifts her hand to give Emily one final pat on the back.

When Emily looks at Lindsey again she can see that Lindsey’s bursting out to say something, waiting until Kelley is just out of earshot to start-

“Dude. What was that?”

Emily takes a bite of her oatmeal.

“What do you mean?”

“You and Kelley. Kelley and you. There was  _ something _ there.”

Emily pauses for another moment. “Not much, okay? I mentioned that my side tackle needs improvement and she offered to help.”

“And that’s all she offered?”

“Linds, what-” Emily takes a deep breath, trying to slow her racing heartbeat, “what are you really asking about-”

“I just think you guys look pretty friendly together, even though you’ve only spent like two weeks together!”

“Shut-” Emily can see some of the staff turning their heads at their noise level and she leans towards Lindsey, dropping her voice, “no, seriously, that’s all she offered. And she put her number on my phone. That’s it.”

“ _ The  _ Kelley O’Hara giving her phone number to some rookie?” Lindsey asks, and she must see Emily’s face fall, “shit, you know I don’t mean it that way. All I’m saying is that it seems a little unlikely.”

“You’ve seen how Hope has helped her a bunch. Maybe she’s just paying it forward.”

Lindsey suddenly turns stoney-faced and Emily gets the feeling that she’s missing something here, that somehow, in the previous couple of camps Lindsey attended that Emily wasn’t here for  _ something _ went down related to this.

“What?” Emily asks, her voice hushed. “What the fuck is it?”

“I’ll tell you later,” Lindsey murmurs, “it’s too much for here. We’ve got to go up to pack soon anyway.”

They both descend into silence for the next few moments, finishing up their breakfast, Emily making sure no crumbs are left on the tablecloth.

“Seriously though, Sonny,” Lindsey says a few moments later. “Are you going to tell me you don’t… feel something?”

Emily lets out a snort, trying to mask how something uneasy settles in her stomach at the question (even if it isn’t fooling anyone). “What are we in, middle school? And no, I don’t feel anything for Kelley. Not in the way you’re implying.”

And Lindsey must see that she’s not in the mood to talk about it anymore since she suddenly drops her tensed-up shoulders, standing up and piling the trash on her plate, and Emily does the same.

“You know I’m here though,” Lindsey says suddenly, as they’re walking to the elevator, “if you ever need to talk about anything.”

Emily lets the comment sit on her shoulders, swirl around a little bit.

“I know,” she replies a few moments later. “Thanks.”

The elevator door shuts with a soft  _ thump _ , and they’re moving upwards once more.

\---

_ Wednesday, 9:37 am _

_ [Kelley O’Hara] _ : Hey Georgia Peach, this is Kelley!

_ [emily]: _ hi kelley!

_ [emily]:  _ i still could’ve gotten ur number from the groupchat

_ [Kelley O’Hara]:  _ It’s more symbolic this way.

\---

The season picks up once they get back to Portland and the weeks start to fly by- living with Lindsey, being picked up by Tobin with Alex already in the car, early-morning training with the Thorns. Emily actually starts to feel settled after a little, although the novelty of being a professional soccer player still hasn’t completely worn off. She’s a long way from fans lining up for her autograph after games, but there are people who start to recognize her around the city when she goes out for coffee or groceries.

The Thorns face off against Sky Blue one night.

It’s a 7 pm game and Providence Park feels electric, the drums booming and red powder flying in the stands and Emily still can’t get over the sheer number of people that turn up in the stands.

“You ready?” Tobin asks her in the tunnel, just before they’re about to head out onto the pitch.

Emily’s starting tonight.

(so’s Kelley.)

“As I’ll ever be,” Emily replies, feeling the butterflies in her stomach, and Tobin wraps an arm around Emily’s shoulders, giving her a reassuring side-hug before getting to her position in line.

And then they’re walking onto the pitch, the stadium booming with sound and bright lights shining down on them and then Emily turns her head and sees--

Kelley.

(emily’s forgotten what it feels like to see Kelley with her own two eyes.)

They’ve been texting more and more since the last camp but it’s a shock to the system to see Kelley again, in the flesh, even after Lindsey has started to yell at Emily for “spending so much time on your phone you might as well be called one of the ‘degenerate youth’ the boomers talk about.”

Kelley suddenly turns around when Emily’s getting down some water and Emily swears Kelley looks  _ directly _ at her, as if she knows  _ exactly _ where Emily is on the pitch and Emily needs to tell herself to focus on Mark and not Kelley O’Hara looking at her from 80 yards away. Lindsey even elbows her to get her back on track and Emily knows she’s going to get yelled at later, but she hesitates a moment before turning back around.

They get in position, and the whistle blows.

Emily gets caught up in it, like always- preventing attacks, tackles, lining up for a corner and watching the ball arch high, until Lindsey runs right in front of her, jumping right up and angling her head in just the direction and-

The stadium erupts.

Emily beelines directly towards Lindsey and they’re hugging with huge grins on their faces and then everyone else joins in, patting Lindsey’s back and congratulating her--it’s her fifth goal already--and everything is loud, booming, red and rainbows everywhere and Emily loves this.

The Thorns are pumped up now, riding on the momentum the goal gave them and when the halftime whistle blows, they’re up 2-0, another goal scored by Alex off of one of Kling’s long balls.

(she almost feels infinite during the second celebration, like almost everything has clicked into place and it’s a high she doesn’t want to come down from.)

Just before they head into the locker room, Emily catches Kelley’s eye-

(it feels a little like electricity, but maybe she’s just imagining it.)

Kelley gives her a smirk, almost like she knows that Emily’s been thinking about her for a little too much these past few weeks, and Lindsey has to poke Emily to remind her that they’re going in.

\---

_ Thursday, 11:49 pm _

_ [emily] _ : hahaa told you we’d win

_ [Kelley]: _ Has anyone ever taught you about sportsmanship?

_ [emily]: _ no. never

_ [emily]: _ i’m a dumbass that doesn’t ever shake hands

_ [emily]: _ one time i kicked a ball into space bc we lost

_ [Kelley]: _ That’s impressive. Maybe you should teach me ;)

_ [emily]: _ maybe i should :)


	2. wide open

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow my self-projection is really off the charts here
> 
> oh also some schematics - in this emily's first call-up is literally right after the wc (a little earlier than she was called up). i was going to make this set in late 2016 onwards, but then realized i forgot the olympics existed and there's a treasure trove of plot and writing stuff to be found there hopefully (idk i haven't written it yet).  
> emily's technically supposed to be in college then, except (surprise) she isn't! because in universe this she graduated a yr earlier! amazing i love AUs where you can make your own "canon" it's so fun.
> 
> anyways enjoy this chapter there's a lot of emotions.

There’s another national team camp coming up, just before Thanksgiving, and Emily’s packing her bag for an extra week because she’s flying directly back to Georgia to see her family right after.

“Sonny, we’re leaving in fifteen minutes,” Lindsey shouts from the other room, and Emily curses that she didn’t take the time to pack earlier, instead, well, texting Kelley. “Put your fucking phone done and pack your stuff.”

They make it out of the door with a minute to spare, getting picked up by Tobin with Alex already in the car. Emily’s busy attempting to avoid Lindsey’s death glare, scrolling through Instagram when she notices Kelley’s tagged her in something.

**_@kelleyohara_ ** _ : Saw some old (and new) friends yesterday - good game @thornsfc ! Had a blast playing with everyone. _

The caption accompanies a photo of Kelley checking Alex onto the ground, one of Kelley and Tobin talking after the game, Emily off to the side but still in the frame, and another of her arm around Hope (not like emily’s focused on that or anything).

She’s not too sure of what to think, and Lindsey suddenly elbows her side.

“Seriously?”

Emily wants to punch Lindsey at the way the word cuts through the conversation Tobin and Alex were having in the front.

“What?” Alex asks.

Emily says “nothing” at the same time Lindsey says “check Instagram” and Emily can tell Alex is pulling up the app, scrolling through it-

“Is this about Kelley’s post?”

“No,” Emily says, and now  _ she’s _ the one sending a glare towards Lindsey, “not really. Lindsey just thought it was surprising that Kelley posted anything at all.”

Lindsey rolls her eyes and Emily really just wants Lindsey to stop talking or making any facial expressions for a while.

“I never get to see Hope this happy,” Alex says, scrolling through the photos. “And that’s such a flattering photo of me. Oh, she tagged you, Sonny.”

And the phrase is about  _ Instagram _ , for god’s sake, but something still pangs in Emily’s chest.

“Guess that means you’re settling into the national team well then, yeah?” Tobin asks.

“Kelley already offered to help her on her side-tackles,” Alex replies.

“Yeah, they’re real friendly,” Lindsey chimes in, an almost sarcastic edge to her words and Emily wants nothing more for this conversation to just stop because her senses feel heightened at the mention of Kelley’s  _ name _ , for whatever reason, so this is already too much.

“That’s good,” Tobin says. “Did anyone happen to pack an extra toothbrush? I think I might’ve forgot mine.”

Alex snorts and they descend into an easy conversation,  _ not _ about Kelley, and Emily feels something unravel in her chest as they stray away from the topic. Lindsey’s still watching her with a sort of adeptness though, but Emily just avoids it and puts in her earbuds.

(she’s doing a lot of avoiding these days, emily realizes.)

\---

Even though this is already her fourth call-up, Emily realizes she’s still a little nervous. Or it could just be the buildup getting to her- she knows, of course, that once she gets on the pitch everything’s going to flow whatever way it can, but the anticipation really is killing her.

She’s also going to be seeing Kelley (and Hope and the other vets) again, and that’s something she’s not too sure she’s ready for.

“Sonnett,” Lindsey says, and Emily’s jerked back to the hotel conference room where Jill is doling out room assignments.

“We’re pairing newbies with vets for this one,” Ellis says. “Think of it as a bonding experience, it’ll be fun.”

“Starting off with Alex and Sam in 103, Kelley and Emily in 104-”

And Emily tunes out everything else.

She’s rooming with  _ Kelley O’Hara. _

Her phone suddenly buzzes in her pocket and Emily waits for a second before discreetly checking it, ignoring a glare from Lindsey as she pulls up the notification, seeing that it’s come from Kelley.

_ [Kelley]: _ Roomies!

Emily just smiles a little at the text before shoving her phone back in her pocket, hoping Jill doesn’t call her out.

Jill dismisses them a couple of minutes later and Emily can see everyone rush for the elevator at the same time- Emily electing to take her time, wait until the second or third round and just chill for a bit.

Surprisingly, Kelley hangs back too (and yeah, maybe emily notices hope’s lingering glance in kelley’s direction before heading upstairs).

“Hey,” Emily says as Kelley approaches her, looking excited. “Why aren’t you with everyone else? Not like I don’t want you here but-”

“I just wanted to hang out with you a bit, Roomie,” Kelley shrugs and something blooms in Emily at the comment, how it’s so natural, “The first elevator is kind of a nightmare anyway.”

They stand in silence for a couple of moments, waiting for the elevator, and Emily is fiddling with the straps on her backpack and bouncing a little in her sandals. (she’s at a national camp, for goodness sake, and she should really be able to hold it together even with all the amazing people here.)

“Sonnett.”

Emily snaps her head towards the sound of Kelley’s voice.

“Yeah?”

“Are you nervous?”

“Not really, just,” she bunches up the backpack strap in her hand, then releases it, “there’s a lot of really good people here.” 

Kelley furrows her eyebrows a little, and  _ that’s adorable _ pops into Emily’s mind before she can stop it. “You got called up with everyone else. That means you’re at this level.”

The elevator dings, and they step on at the same time. 

“Everyone else is… better though,” Emily says as she presses the button for floor ten, and she has to restrain herself from going further, unloading something onto someone she’s barely known for more than a couple months and only seen a handful of times.

Kelley just looks at her.

“Do you feel like this a lot?”

It doesn’t sound accusatory, not in the least; a little softer, maybe even caring.

“I don’t know,” Emily replies, meeting Kelley’s gaze before looking away, “maybe sometimes.”

Kelley’s quiet for a bit, as if she’s choosing her words, and Emily hasn’t ever seen her be this serious but then she starts speaking again. “You earned your way here, Sonny.”

Emily just lets the words sink in for a bit before Kelley smiles a little and places a hand on her shoulder.

“You worked your ass off and sure, this place isn’t the end-all but you’re allowed to-” Kelley stops for a moment, looking for words, maybe, “to put it in the words of Christen, you’re allowed to breathe a little.”

Emily’s tempted to lean into Kelley’s hand but she stops herself, tells herself to keep it together.

“Only Christen would say that,” Emily jokes, watching the floors go up, and Kelley laughs softly.

“Thanks though.”

It actually feels like a lot now that she’s exposed a little bit of herself to Kelley and some of it is threatening to burst out, things like “I don’t know that I’m good enough to be here” and “you’re kind of my fucking hero, Kelley” and a whole other mess of thoughts that she really shouldn’t be having on a Sunday afternoon.

She just doesn’t say anything, and when the elevator dings Emily steps out wordlessly, dragging her luggage with them out the door.

\---

“How’s your roommate?” Lindsey asks with a small smirk while they’re at dinner, and Emily’s starting to contemplate how to dispose of her best friend’s body.

“She’s good,” Emily replies. “How’s yours?”

“Messy like always. I don’t even know why Jill put me with Tobin- she has to know we lived with each other for like a year, right?”

Lindsey elbows Emily when she doesn’t get a response.

“Ow- what?” Emily yelps, jerked out of replaying her earlier conversation with Kelley, “Yeah, totally.”

Lindsey looks at her weirdly for a moment. “You’re in your head again, aren’t you.”

“Just a little tired,” Emily lies.

“Get over being tired quickly, then,” Lindsey says, “tomorrow’s fitness testing.”

Emily doesn’t even want to think about that at this point and she just takes another bite of her chicken, letting Lindsey rant about Tobin leaving her fucking shoes everywhere and how she still can’t get over how messy a single person can be.

Then, there’s a post-dinner meeting about an overview of the next couple of days plus their friendly schedule for the next couple of months. And even though Emily was lying to Lindsey earlier she can feel herself struggling to stay awake now, although she really should be considering she’s so new to the team.

Jill lets them out a couple of minutes past nine and Emily heads to her room, bidding Lindsey goodnight because Lindsey wants to watch Grey’s Anatomy again and Emily would rather let her brain waste away on Instagram.

When she walks inside the hotel room, Kelley isn’t there yet and she goes through her nighttime routine before flopping on the bed closer to the wall and turning on some news channel and her phone.

It’s thirty minutes of scrolling through her feed later and Emily’s just about to doze off when the door opens and Kelley walks in, and suddenly Emily’s awake again.

“Hey,” Kelley says, pulling off her hoodie and Emily catches a glimpse of her stomach, “thanks for leaving me the window bed.”

“I like the one closer to the wall normally,” Emily says, and she isn’t completely lying (she’s generally impartial, actually, but who really cares).

“Amazing,” Kelley says from the bathroom. “It’s like we’re made for each other or something.”

The comment makes something lurch inside of Emily’s stomach and she really can’t believe that Kelley’s said that, but Emily decides she might as well play along.

“I hope you’re happy with the left side of the sink, then,” Emily replies, “or else we might run into a bit of trouble.”

“Eh, I’ll tolerate it,” Kelley says before walking out and sticking her toothbrush in her mouth, plopping down on her bed. 

“Gosh,” Emily says, feigning hurt, “I let you have the window bed and you repay me with this?”

Kelley says something, but it’s indecipherable with the toothpaste clogging up her mouth and Kelley runs to the bathroom after rolling her eyes, coming back a few moments later.

“I thought you said you liked the wall bed,” Kelley says, furrowing her eyebrows. “Because if you prefer this one we can switch, no biggie-”

“I was kidding, Kelley,” Emily says, and she can’t help but smirk as she continues, “glad to know you care so much though.”

“You look tired, Sonny. Sue me just because I want you to have a good night’s sleep.”

“And what about you?” Emily challenges

Kelley rolls her eyes. “I’d be willing to suffer, just for you,” she says dramatically, and Emily knows it’s a joke but this whole conversation has been kind of throwing her.

“Glad to know,” Emily says, and when she looks over Kelley’s grinning at her in a way that makes her heart beat a little faster.

They sit in silence for a couple of more moments before Kelley asks Emily to give her the remote and they descend into some conversation about whether the Discovery Channel or the History Channel is better (Kelley wins because, well, Shark Week). It feels easy, actually, talking back and forth and it’s only until Kelley decides to check the time that she makes Emily get up to turn off the lights because “it’s 10:30, we should be sleeping”.

And even though there’s fitness testing tomorrow, Emily falls asleep quicker than Kelley can say “georgia peach”.

\--- 

Emily wakes up the next morning and Kelley’s bed is empty.

The thing is, she expects it.

She knows Kelley has bigger things than some rookie to worry about, other people she can have witty banter with just as easily and it doesn’t even feel like a punch in the gut, just a sort of disappointment signaling she’s really thinking too much about this. Lindsey would tell her she’s being dramatic (and she knows she really is) but her brain’s still fixating on this in a way that isn’t completely healthy.

There’s a knock on her door and she pulls on a hoodie before answering it.

“Did you just get up?” Lindsey asks her, and Emily’s a little surprised to see Sam there but she takes it in stride, giving them a grin.

“You shouldn’t be lecturing me about needing my beauty sleep, okay? I’m surprised you’re even up this early.”

Lindsey points at Sam. “She’s tall and she’s loud.”

“What happened to Tobin?”

“Alex wanted to switch and I got tired of the mess.”

“That’s legal?” Emily asks, and Sam gives a good-natured shrug as they walk down the hall together.

“When Alex wants something…” Sam trails off. 

Emily doesn’t see Kelley at breakfast either, even though both Tobin and Alex are there, but Lindsey and Sam draw her attention back to the table when they switch topics from their boyfriends to Lindsey not going to college.

“I mean, what you did was really brave,” Sam says. “I definitely didn’t have the balls.”

“No frat parties though. Or tailgating,” Emily says. “I can’t believe Tobin’s technically more educated than you.”

“Shut up.”

“I can’t believe  _ I’m  _ technically more educated than you.”

“Education is relative,” Lindsey says, and Sam nods her head to agree. Emily just rolls her eyes and takes another bite of her food.

It’s only after breakfast when they’ve all returned to their rooms that she sees Kelley. She’s lounging on her bed, scrolling through her phone, when she walks in with a cup of iced coffee and a wide smile.

“Hey Georgia Peach,” Kelley says, beelining for her suitcase to grab a change of clothes.

“Hey Kelley,” Emily says, looking up-

-only to see Kelley in a bra and an expanse of freckled skin and well-defined muscles that Emily is  _ definitely  _ not ready for. She looks down immediately, of course, glad that Kelley’s turned away from her so that she can’t see the blush that’s suddenly creeping up Emily’s cheeks.

“I was just grabbing some coffee with Hope,” Kelley says after she’s put a shirt back on. “You ready for today?”

Emily flays her limbs out dramatically, letting out a groan. “Please don’t remind me.”

“If it makes you feel better, it doesn’t get any better a couple years down the line,” Kelley jokes, but then Emily can feel Kelley’s eyes on her and something’s shifted a little bit.

Kelley’s voice is softer when she starts again. “In all seriousness, I think you’re going to do great,” she approaches Emily’s bed, flopping down beside her and Emily can see the freckles on her cheeks, “you’ve been doing good in practice lately.”

“I hope,” Emily murmurs, leaning back into the pillows.

“Well, I’m rooting for you,” Kelley says quietly, and they just look at each other for another few moments before Kelley starts grinning again and they’re back to normal.

Kelley smacks her legs and stands up from the mattress. “Come on, get your ass up. Our deaths are waiting for us.” 

\---

Kelley’s wrong.

Fitness testing hits her like a truck.

She doesn’t do bad, technically, but she doesn’t do well either - there’s a difference between panicking a little and completely, totally, flopping, after all - and she doesn’t know what to think. Her scores are decent compared to everyone else (especially on the beep test) except, well-

They aren’t showing growth.

She’s the same as she was last camp and the camp before that, and while consistency isn’t a bad thing it’s not the type of consistency she wants. Emily knows she should be getting better (especially as a rookie) if she wants a chance to sub in at other games.

Kelley surprisingly sticks close by her throughout the tests, always giving her a thumbs up or asking her how she’s doing after each section and if Emily weren’t so lost in her head she might feel a little more aware of it, but for now her mind’s mostly focused on testing.

She gets watches Kelley on the beep test though, how she keeps pushing herself long after everyone else has dropped out, and something in Emily drops. There’s just something about watching someone she looks up to and has unclear feelings for completely dominate in something that she feels like she should be good at - a weird mixture of awe, adoration, and almost jealousy - but Emily decides now isn’t the time to be sorting through that and shoves it away for later.

They’re doing cool-down stretches a couple of minutes later and Emily’s found herself sitting with an odd group of Tobin, Alex, Kelley, and Lindsey. And then she suddenly finds herself  _ really thirsty _ (for water), and her water bottle is on the bench.

“I’m going to get a drink real quick,” Emily says, standing up quickly.

And for some reason, Kelley furrows her eyebrows next to her, while everyone else just gives a nod of acknowledgment and goes back to their previous conversation. 

“Sonny, you okay?” Kelley asks.

(when emily thinks back to this moment, she’s always wondering what Kelley’s thinking; does she think emily’s upset? is there a reason she should be unhappy? 

is there something showing on emily’s own face that she’s not aware of?)

The question catches her off guard since she actually  _ does _ need to get a drink of water, but she takes the time to give Kelley a rushed smile.

“Yeah, I’ll be fast,” Emily says, before running to the side of the pitch.

She’s walking around slowly, squirting water in her mouth she realizes the phrase “you okay?” (and the way it was specifically said by Kelley; the way her voice tilted at the end) keeps repeating in her head and for whatever reason, there are tears coming to her eyes.

And she’s holding them back because now is really not the time to have her first emotional breakdown in a long while - she just grabs a towel, wipes some sweat off her face to prolong not going back on the field.

She’s a little surprised, actually, that the tears behind her eyes are even there in the first place - she’s long stopped the self-deprecating comments that normally bring them about - and it’s alarming that a simple phrase asked by the right person is unraveling her in a way Emily really isn’t prepared for.

(she also doesn’t cry, like, at _ all _ , and even though she’s heard it’s a healthy coping mechanism she never finds that she’s able to.)

Emily just takes a breath, squirts some water onto her face, and tells herself she’s okay.

And when she gets back on the pitch, it feels like nothing’s happened at all.

\---

_ [Kell]: _ You did good today!

_ [emily]: _ not rly. i was more just ok

_ [Kell]: _ Well, okay is better than bad.

_ [Kell]: _ Don’t be too hard on yourself.

\---

The camp ends with a friendly where Emily doesn’t even get subbed in, and she’s too busy caught up in the celebration to let that decision affect her too much.

She sees Kelley talking with Hope on the side, notices Hope’s arm wrapped around Kelley’s shoulders. And Emily’s busy subduing the undercurrent of jealousy rising through her, telling herself she’s happy as long as Kelley’s happy when Lindsey tackles her from behind.

“Hi Linds,” Emily says, grinning, and suddenly all thoughts of Kelley are gone because she doesn’t need to think about this, not right now.

“Dude. We won!”

“Fuck yeah we did!” Sam exclaims, appearing behind Lindsey.

And there’s music booming in the stadium, bright lights and everything else a game is supposed to feel like, and some players are greeting fans and Emily’s again hit with this feeling - she can’t believe this is her life - but Lindsey’s tugging at her arm, telling her they’re about to head in.

Everything that happens between walking into the locker room and getting back to the hotel passes as a blur, and Emily’s bidding goodnight to Lindsey and Sam before unlocking the door-

And suddenly she’s the hotel room she’s been in for the past four days, and everything’s quiet.

Her flight out tomorrow is really early, and she knows she needs to pack and sleep soon. Kelley isn’t back yet either, even though they’re both going to Georgia.

The weight of the day hits her as she lies on her bed: watching the team win from the sidelines, the interactions between Kelley and Hope, the constant whirlwind of activity from getting up at six-thirty to after their seven pm game, and she knows she needs to let herself have this moment.

The door opens a few minutes later, and Kelley walks in before flopping dramatically on her bed.

“I’m exhausted,” Kelley states, and Emily turns her head to see Kelley close her eyes.

“Me too. You played a full 90 though- I can’t even begin to imagine how you’re feeling.”

“Tired,” Kelley replies. “Very very tired and very very happy.”

“Our flight’s at seven am tomorrow.”

“I’m not happy anymore,” Kelley says, groaning for a second before somehow sitting up again and getting off the mattress. ”I gotta pack.”

“How are you even moving right now?”

“No idea,” Kelley says. “Are you packed yet? You should pack.”

“Don’t want to,” Emily murmurs, then suddenly Kelley’s standing over her, her arms crossed.

“Get up.”

“No.”

But then Kelley extends her hand, holds it over Emily and she feels compelled to take it - it’s a simple gesture, she knows, but Kelley’s slightly callused hand is warm as she pulls Emily up and gets her standing.

(she knows she’s overanalyzing this, overanalyzing every interaction they’ve had thus far and she really doesn’t understand why she’s so in her head about this. it’s just a silly little crush.)

The next thirty minutes are spent throwing clothes and other items into their suitcases, and when they’re done and Emily’s sat on Kelley’s suitcase so that she can zip it closed Kelley decides it’s a good time to look at dog videos. 

They don’t go to bed until midnight, and Emily drifts into a dreamless sleep trying not to think of Kelley.


	3. three nights, green lights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one's a woozy
> 
> chapter title is a reference to "3 Nights" - Dominic Fike which i listened to a ton while writing this

Moe joins them for the flight back to Georgia and there’s a little bit of a mad dash to get to the terminal on time but they make it mostly intact. Emily’s only a little disappointed to see that they’re all in different rows and it seems like Kelley is too when she furrows her eyebrows examining their plane tickets.

“Dang it,” Kelley pouts, “I wish we could all sit together. That way when I fall asleep I don’t land on some stranger’s shoulder.”

“You could always ask,” Moe offers. “I mean, we’re all only a couple of rows apart.”

Kelley brightens up at the idea, but only for a second before her face falls. “You think anyone would want to switch this early in the morning? It’s not like I’d be doing anything other than sleep anyway, and I’ve got a window seat.”

Emily doesn’t say anything, her brain feeling all muddled from not getting enough sleep and not having her usual cup of coffee this morning; she’s finding it a little hard to contribute to this conversation.

“It’s a short flight anyway. Not anything over six hours so I’m fine,” Kelley finishes.

Moe nods and Kelley turns to look at Emily.

“You’ve been abnormally quiet this morning, Sonny.”

“Just a little tired,” Emily replies, giving Kelley a little half-smile while Moe looks on.

“We can both sleep on the flight then,” Kelley says somewhat offhandedly, and Emily tells herself to take them as they are and not try to conjure some hidden meaning behind them.

They get on the plane, finally, and Moe’s somehow got an empty seat next to her and she invites Emily to fill it. Somehow, the second Emily sits down, a wave of exhaustion washes over her.

She falls asleep against Moe’s shoulder before the plane takes off.

They walk through Hartsfield a couple of hours later and Kelley gets stopped a few times for photos - there’s always that moment of disbelief in Emily’s mind,  _ yes, Kelley O’Hara is my teammate now _ \- but Emily glosses over it as they head to the baggage claim.

Kelley’s mom picks her up and while Emily’s waiting for her Uber home, Moe leaves with her boyfriend.

And suddenly, everything seems more subdued.

She pops in her earbuds and shoves her phone in her pocket, getting into the Uber a couple of minutes later and five minutes haven’t even passed when her fingers start itching to pull out her phone again, pull up Kelley’s contact information and suddenly-

_ [Kell] _ Shoot. I forgot to introduce you.

Emily stares at her phone for a couple of seconds, trying to figure out what this could mean when she decides to just say “fuck it” and message Kelley back after less than fifteen seconds.

_ [emily] _ to who?

_ [emily]  _ and don’t you dare correct my grammar i know it’s wrong

_ [Kell] _ TBH I didn’t notice.

_ [Kell] _ I meant to introduce you to my mom.

(and she doesn’t stop to consider the message sent out next by her fingers- all of it feels a bit surreal anyway-)

_ [emily] _ am i meeting the parents already?

_ [Kell] _ LOL

_ [Kell] _ Next time though.

Emily just turns her phone off and tells herself she’s done with her conversation for now, because there’s that sinking feeling again in her chest that comes with thinking about Kelley.

She gets home, finally, and her parents are there waiting on the porch, and just for a second Emily forgets about Kelley, the game last night, fitness testing and lets it all go. 

It’s a little jarring, she thinks, as she walks up the stairs of her childhood home and sets her bag on her desk chair. Being in such a familiar, almost  _ small _ (compared to the busyness of jumping from place to place, camp to camp) environment is almost foreign but she can’t help but welcome it.

She lies down on her bed, letting herself exhale for a moment.

Emily closes her eyes.

The next thing she knows, she’s falling asleep again.

\---

_ Monday, 11:24 am _

_ [Kell]  _ You know, I was thinking.

_ [emily]  _ uh oh

_ [Kell]  _ Now would be a great time to take me up on my offer.

_ [emily] _ ?

_ [Kell] _ Training together! Working on side-tackles!

_ [Kell] _ If you’re up for it, of course. I know all these camps can be exhausting.

_ [emily] _ yeah that’s one way to put it

_ [emily]  _ we can try for saturday? if that’s ok?

_ [Kell] _ Works for me. I need to recover anyway, especially after the ton of food I’m going to eat.

_ [emily] _ lol me too

\---

Thanksgiving comes and goes and Emily can’t remember the last time she’s been this idle; sitting at home, binge-watching TV shows, doing what Tobin calls a “hard chill”. She interacts with people other than her family exactly once, going to the grocery store and getting ingredients per her mom’s request.

It’s a welcome change of speed, really, from the fast-paced whirlwind that her life had been the last few months, but she finds herself getting a little antsy on Friday night after clicking around on Amazon all day.

“I’m bored,” Emily finally concedes while she and Emma are watching  _ The Bachelorette _ .

“Do something then,” Emma replies. “Or complain somewhere else, I want to see who Courtney gives the rose to.”

Emily’s silent for another couple of minutes until the ad break, “Can we go out?”

“Out where?”

“Somewhere that’s not this house,” Emma slaps her arm, “that was rude.”

“You’re not being specific enough,” Emma says.

“Fine,” Emily replies, rolling her eyes. “Someplace with beer.”

“How original,” Emma mutters, but she gets up anyway, running towards her bedroom. “Get your ass up and change. We’re going.”

They end up at some nightclub in Atlanta and some of Emma’s friends are somehow at the entrance. She just gives Emily a raised eyebrow when Emily gives her a look, but they park and Emma’s already rushing out of the car to greet her friends.

“Hey Emily,” one of them says and all of them turn their heads at the same time as if just noticing Emily’s there. 

Emily just gives them a small wave, her smile probably looking a little strained. She’s met some of these people in passing, but really she doesn’t come back to Georgia enough to get to know any of Emma’s friends past their name and alcohol choice.

The nightclub’s lively when they step in and Emily’s glad she changed into a romper as she weaves through the well-dressed crowd to get to the bar. She had volunteered to be on drink duty, as a sort of payback for dragging her sister out tonight, but it seems like Emma’s already having more fun than she is.

She’s waiting for a bartender, trying to make sure she gets everyone’s order right when someone walks up beside her. Emily doesn’t think too much of it, of course, until-

“Fancy seeing you here.”

And it’s Kelley, smirking and standing there in a leather jacket with her cheeks flushed, her hand placed on Emily’s bicep.

“You too,” Emily replies, trying to keep the surprise out of her voice. “A day earlier than I expected.”

Kelley just grins. “And that’s a good thing, yeah?”

“Definitely,” Emily replies, just before she flags down a bartender and places her order and pays.

“Please don’t tell me you’re planning to drink all of that,”

“I probably won’t,” Emily motions towards her sister and her friends, “Ordering for all of them, actually.”

Kelley cranes her neck to look where Emily’s pointing, “One of them kind of looks like you. Is that your twin?”

“Yeah, actually, how did you know-”

“They seem kind of drunk already. Maybe you shouldn’t be bringing them all those shots.”

Emily looks at Emma and her friends, how they’re all laughing and talking together and how some have already scored drinks. She thinks Kelley may be right.

“I’ll bring them the beer,” Emily says. “Maybe we’ll take some shots for ourselves.”

“Good,” Kelley smirks, giving Emily a wink. “Good to know you take my advice sometimes after all.”

Emily rolls her eyes as the bartender comes back over with their drinks, passing a shot to Kelley.

“To peaches,” Kelley says before they’re both knocking back the vodka and it burns as it’s going down Emily’s throat, but Kelley’s grinning and the colored lights are showing the wisps of hair slipping out of Kelley’s ponytail.

“Did you come here with anyone?” Emily asks.

“My sisters, actually - I have no idea where they are right now,” Kelley gives a little careless wave, “we just wanted to get out of the house for a bit.”

“Us too,” Emily nods. “Come with me to deliver this to everyone?”

Kelley nods and then she’s gripping Emily’s hand because she doesn’t want to get lost in the crowd. Emily certainly wasn’t expecting  _ this _ tonight; Kelley’s warm hand in her own, her fingers curling around Emily’s palm and she tells herself to breathe, that this is okay and doesn’t mean anything.

She sets down the drinks and some of Emma’s friends cheer, but quickly go back to their conversations without even acknowledging that Kelley O’Hara, world-class defender, is standing next to Emily. Emma’s eyes light up in recognition though, and Emily introduces her to Kelley for a minute before Emma’s back into whatever college story they’re reminiscing about now.

“We should go dance,” Kelley suddenly says, after it becomes apparent neither of them know what the group of people in front of them are talking about, and standing there just feels a little awkward.

Emily nods and Kelley’s leading her by the hand again, over to the swarms of people dancing to whatever bass-boosted remixed song the DJ’s got blasting through the speakers. She lets herself get lost in it after a while, moving to the beat while trying not to bump into other people but then someone behind her pushes her and Emily trips-

Directly into Kelley.

They both stare at each other for a moment and Emily’s suddenly aware of how her hands are on Kelley’s hips and Kelley’s on her upper arms. She’s also much taller than Kelley, she realizes, which seems strange because it really doesn’t feel that way.

“Hi,” Kelley murmurs, and Emily can barely hear it over the music but at the same time, it’s the only thing she can hear.

“Hi,” Emily replies, and she’s probably just imagining it but she swears Kelley’s eyes flit down for a moment before coming back up to meet her eyes.

“You’re, uh-”

Someone else bumps into Kelley and cuts her off. Part of Emily wants to hear what Kelley had to say, of course, but she doesn’t make any motion to continue, instead running a hand up and down Emily’s arm.

Kelley seems a lot shorter from this close, Emily notices, and she can see the freckles splayed on Kelley’s face even under the dim club lighting.

Objectively, none of this should feel like the way it does - their interactions have been strictly platonic so far, and Kelley’s willingness to do what makes Emily comfortable could be considered what a friend would do - and Emily could be dreaming all of this up, but Kelley’s hands are still wrapped around her arms and all of this feels a little different than before.

Kelley’s eyes are still focused on Emily for whatever reason, and Emily’s only slightly aware of some of the music filtering in, almost like they’re in some sort of bubble.

(really, it’s just infuriating that emily can’t tell what gestures (if any) are supposed to mean something, versus the ones that she’s definitely reading too far into and she hates she’s so fucking incompetent at emotions in general.)

But Kelley’s leaning in a little more, almost close enough for Emily to feel Kelley’s breath on her face but then-

Someone bumps into them again.

Kelley leans back, breathless.

“Let’s get some more beer.”

“Yeah-” Emily gets out, “yeah, we should.”

Kelley still grabs her hand to lead her back to the bar and she blocks Emily from trying to pay for anything, citing “i’m older i should pay for stuff” as her reason. They descend into a conversation after receiving their beers (“why does alex call you worms?” “why does alex do anything?”) and suddenly they descend on the topic of Hope.

“I’m pretty sure you’re the only person that can annoy Solo that much and not get killed,” Emily says, and she might be a little blunt but there’s a buzz from the alcohol she’s consumed and being eloquent isn’t really on her mind right now.

Kelley lets out a laugh, swatting Emily’s hand. “She’s not  _ that _ scary.”

Emily gives Kelley a look.

“Okay, maybe a little,” another look, “a lot scary. But she helped me a bunch on switching to a defending position and taught me how not to annoy goalies  _ too _ much.”

“I still think she’s intimidating,” Emily murmurs, taking another sip of beer.

“When you get to know her, she’s just a big ol’ softie,” Kelley replies, and even in her inebriated state, Emily can see the smile tugging at Kelley’s mouth.

(she wonders why, but at the same time she really doesn’t want to know.) 

Kelley suddenly checks her watch and furrows her eyebrows immediately.

“It’s getting late,” Kelley says.

“You always say that.” 

“Someone has to be responsible,” Kelley replies, rolling her eyes and Emily bats her hand at Kelley’s arm, grinning when she sees Kelley smile.

“I’m only a little drunk,” Emily admits. “But yeah, maybe we should go soon. Emma has the keys though.”

“I’m not letting you drive,” Kelley says. “We’re ubering.”

“Peachy.”

Kelley just snorts at Emily’s comment and pulls out her phone, ordering an Uber before shoving it back into her jacket pocket. Her hand suddenly latches onto Emily’s, leading her out of the club trying not to bump into people.

Emily gulps in some fresh air once they step outside. Kelley still hasn’t let go of her hand, actually, and they stand there for a couple of minutes before the car gets there.

She slides in the car, Kelley following, and at Kelley’s insistence, she’s making them drop off Emily first, even though her house is in the other direction and she’s paying. But then Kelley turns quiet - stares out the window, then at Emily, and Emily has no idea what she’s thinking about.

“Wait, I have an idea,” Kelley says, looking at Emily again and her eyes are somehow bright in the dimness of the car.

“Yeah? Shoot.”

“What if you stayed at my place tonight?”

Kelley must sense Emily’s hesitation because she immediately puts a hand on Emily’s arm, “It doesn’t matter that we’re going in the opposite direction - I can ask him to turn it around and it would be so much easier tomorrow, we don’t have to drive half an hour to get to a decent pitch. You can borrow my gear too, I have a bunch extra-”

Emily cuts Kelley off by placing a hand on her shoulder.

“You sure?”

“1000 percent, peach,” Kelley replies and the nickname almost makes Emily blush.

Kelley works her magic with the Uber driver and Emily texts her family she’s staying at a teammate’s tonight - she doesn’t want them worrying - and they’re driving in the opposite direction. Half of her still can’t believe this is happening in the first place, but Kelley’s hand is resting next to Emily’s thigh and it’s grounding and terrifying at the same time.

(or, they could just be friends, going over to the other’s house for the night, but tonight’s events seem to have put a spin on things that could suggest otherwise.)

Kelley seems to doze off after a while, letting her head rest against Emily’s shoulder and Emily wills herself not to tense up. It doesn’t seem to matter though, because Kelley doesn’t move her head for the next half-hour until they stop in front of a house in quiet suburbia.

“Hey,” Emily murmurs, tussling Kelley’s hair a little, “I think we’re here.”

Kelley makes a noise that adorably sounds like a cat before sitting up and opening the car door.

“Last chance to send me home,” Emily jokes after the Uber pulls away, and Kelley turns to her with an alertness Emily didn’t know was possible after a nap.

“You’re staying.”

And Kelley’s gaze is intense, hazel eyes looking directly into her and it almost feels a little too much for one am on a Friday night (or Saturday morning, but it carries a different connotation).

Emily gulps.

“Yeah, okay,” Kelley starts guiding Emily up the driveway, “okay.”

\---

“There’s a guest bedroom next to the bathroom next to my bedroom. You should probably use the bathroom first - I’ll get you a toothbrush and towel and clothes - and if you need anything else just, like, whisper-shout, everyone’s asleep. Wait, fuck-”

Kelley stops for a second, scrunching up her face.

“I forgot. Aunt Karen is still here. We’re staying in my bedroom!”

Kelley claps her hands together.

“Okay. Gotta get a towel, toothbrush…”

(jesus fuck, she’s going to share a bed with Kelley O’Hara.)

Emily isn’t sure whether Kelley’s even talking to her anymore, but she finds it a little adorable how Kelley runs around a bit, trying to make sure she has everything she needs. Kelley eventually leaves her be and Emily spends some time fiddling with the shower controls before stepping in.

Theoretically, this shouldn’t feel any different than sharing a hotel room with Kelley for a week- except, of course, it doesn’t.

Both of them have blood alcohol levels slightly higher than usual and Emily is using Kelley’s  _ shampoo _ , for god’s sake. It’s a little crazy how in the span of a few short months she’s gone from not knowing Kelley at all to sleeping over at her parent’s house over Thanksgiving break, and Emily takes a second to just stand there and brace herself for this before getting out of the shower.

She tells herself it doesn’t matter that she has, well, feelings- they’re friends,  _ just _ friends, and as long as she stays a good five feet away from Kelley throughout the night she’ll be fine.

Emily suddenly hears banging against the door-

“Hurry up Sonny, I need to fucking pee-”

And Emily puts on the clothes Kelley’s left her and lets Kelley run in. Emily steps out, walking into Kelley’s room and taking it in for the first time.

There are a couple of trophies displayed on the windowsill and a poster of Brandi Chastain, a couple of suitcases littered in the corner and everything is uniquely  _ Kelley _ in a way Emily couldn’t have imagined. Part of it feels surreal, like she shouldn’t be here, but Emily pushes it away in favor of plopping down on Kelley’s (thankfully queen-size) bed.

She sees herself in a mirror across the room and it’s then she notices-

_ Holy fuck- _

She’s wearing a Stanford hoodie and white #19 shorts from Kelley’s college career.

Emily thinks she’s about to pass out.

Someone snorts behind her and Emily whips her head around, seeing Kelley leaning against the doorframe in a tank top and sweatpants.

“You look good.”

“I’m also betraying UVA and UNC and like every other college out there,” Emily tries to keep her heart rate down, “thanks to this.”

“Well, you should do it more often then,” Kelley says, walking over and sitting down next to Emily.

“Be a traitor?”

“Wear my number.”

Kelley’s close enough again that Emily can see the golden flecks in her eyes and this is too much, Kelley’s basically just said she likes it when Emily wears her stuff which is  _ very  _ suggestive and suddenly there’s a heat spreading through her core, the way Kelley’s looking at her-

Kelley smirks, then leans away.

“If we don’t sleep soon, we’re going to be dead tomorrow.”

Emily’s entire brain is short-circuiting but she manages to follow Kelley’s lead and get under the comforter. 

“Yeah, you’re right.”

\---

Unlike camp, Kelley’s still there when Emily wakes up.

The sun’s streaming through the blinds of Kelley’s room and it’s falling on Kelley’s sleeping figure next to her. They managed to keep their distance during the night, but she’s still close enough to see the freckles scattered all over Kelley’s shoulders and neck. There are so many of them - too many to count - and Emily lies there for a moment just enjoying the quiet of the morning and Kelley lying next to her.

Emily ignores her slight headache as she lets her mind wander to what happened yesterday and it’s mostly a blur; dancing, a car ride back, the fact that she's still wearing Kelley’s #19 shorts.

Her phone buzzes next to her and Emily’s met with 43 unread messages she must’ve missed from last night, most of them from Emma and a couple from Lindsey asking how she is.

_ Friday, 11:47 pm _

_ [othersonnett] _ Where are you

_ [othersonnett] _ Wait can you bring Kelley back here I want her to meet everyone

_ [othersonnett] _ Are you still with Kelley??

Emily scrolls through the string of text messages afterward, most of them variations on “where are you” until she gets to a message that literally makes her freeze.

_ Saturday, 12:29 am _

_ [othersonnett] _ You and KELLEY O’HARA?????

_ [othersonnett] _ Bitch you’re telling me everything when you get back

And she absolutely  _ cannot _ be dealing with this right now, not when she doesn’t even know what’s going on herself, and half of her just wants to ignore all the messages and never go back to her parent’s house.

Kelley rustles from beside her and one moment her eyes are closed, looking the most relaxed that Emily’s ever going to see and the next they’re cracked open just a bit, a sleepy smile appearing on her face.

“‘Mornin,” Kelley murmurs, and Emily notices how her accent is a little more pronounced in the morning.

“Hey.”

Kelley shifts a little, smiles a little more.

“You ready for training today?”

“We could just sleep,” Emily replies as Kelley crawls out of bed.

“Or,” Kelley gives Emily a little poke, “we could work on your side tackle.”

Emily groans and Kelley just laughs, saying “you better get up, peach” as she walks out of the room.

Kelley makes them breakfast - some scrambled eggs and toast, plus a peanut-butter banana smoothie that is  _ too good _ \- and lets Emily do the dishes when she offers. They eventually get a pitch, with Emily in Under Armor clothing she isn’t too happy with (“watch, one day i’ll get you into adidas”) and Kelley smirking the whole way through.

They warm up by stretching and jogging together, and Emily’s happy to see her muscles haven’t dystrophied  _ too _ much from underuse in the past week. Kelley runs them through various drills next and Emily can start to feel the Georgia sun beat down on her back as she works on her foot placement.

Eventually, they stop for a water break and Emily lets herself lie flat on the pitch, give her body a rest for a second.

“I’m so out of shape,” Emily says.

“No you’re not,” Kelley says. “You’re holding up really well, considering we just came back from a week of doing nothing.”

She offers Emily a hand and Emily takes it, standing up with a groan.

“Come on, just one more hour of ignoring the sound of your joints creaking,” Kelley says, and it’s enough to get Emily smiling again.

“I’m pretty sure that only happens to you.”

“Are you calling me old?”

“Oh no, of course not,” Emily fires back with a shit-eating grin, “wouldn’t want to upset the elderly.”

Kelley shoves her into the goalpost and makes her run an extra lap around the pitch, but it’s worth it in the end. 

Eventually, they both tire out and Kelley drives them back to her house. A quick shower and a change into (Kelley’s) fresh clothing later, she’s offering that they get a late lunch together and Emily doesn’t say no, only because she doesn’t want this to end.

As much as Kelley has put her through the wringer today with training, she’s enjoying this (almost a little too much); having Kelley’s attention only on her, close enough so that she can make Kelley laugh and let the sound ring through her ears. It feels a little selfish, really, but she reasons there’s nothing wrong with wanting to spend time with someone you like without the influence of other people.

Emily insists on paying for their coffees and lunches and they settle into a comfortable rhythm, talking about their upbringings only an hour away from each other.

Her phone suddenly buzzes and she gives Kelley a sheepish smile before checking it.

_ [othersonnett] _ Are you ever coming back

_ [othersonnett] _ Has Kelley asked you to move in

_ [othersonnett] _ Oh my gosh you’re eloping

_ [emily]  _ shut up we’re not dating

_ [emily] _ and if mom wants me back i’ll go

“Is that your sister?” Kelley asks, and Emily looks up from her phone to nod. “If she wants you to go back home you probably should. I’ve taken enough of your time.”

“It was time well spent, believe me,” Emily says. “My side tackle owes you one.”

Her phone buzzes again and it’s Emma saying her mom wants her to come back, and when Emily looks again she can tell in Kelley’s expression that she knows their time is up.

They walk out of the cafe together and Emily calls herself an Uber.

“If I were to tell you,” Kelley says as they’re standing on the sidewalk, waiting for Emily’s car to get here, “that we should do this more often, would you?”

“Yeah, I would,” Emily replies. “Of course I would.”

Her Uber slides up to the curb and as Emily’s about to give in Kelley gives her a bag with her clothes from last night. 

“Don’t forget these,” Kelley says. “And check the bag when you get back.”

Kelley shuts the door then and the car pulls away, and the last image Emily has of Kelley is her standing on the sidewalk, waving goodbye in the Georgia afternoon.

And when Emily dumps the bag of clothes on her bed later that night, she discovers the pair of #19 shorts mixed in with her romper from the bar, smelling like laundry detergent and a little bit of Kelley.

She wears them to sleep that night, the number in her mind as she closes her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> always feel free to tell me what you think! comments give me motivation :))


	4. fucked up my timeline

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i promise i didn't forget about this fic i just write at the pace of a turtle
> 
> chapter title from isohel by EDEN

The rest of break passes by quickly with Emily settling into a routine at home, working out and waiting for the December camp to come. 

The thing is, Kelley doesn’t leave her mind throughout the two weeks, especially with her shorts in Emily’s hamper. And they  _ do _ text, but Kelley’s response times are getting longer and she feels like Kelley’s drifting away (not that they were that close to begin with, but emily’s not too sure of that either).

One night she’s lying in bed when she gets a notification that Kelley’s posted something on Instagram and she clicks on it, expecting to find another photo of her at the beach or at some gala but it’s something else entirely.

**_@kelleyohara:_** _Had fun surfing with @hopesolo today! Contrary to popular belief, I’m actually better than her. Don’t let her tell you otherwise._

Accompanied with the caption are some photos of Kelley in the ocean, grinning with locks of hair plastered on her face and Emily’s mouth goes dry at the bikini pics of Kelley (and Solo), their abs showing through their swimsuits. She feels something sinking in her chest as she scrolls down to see Hope’s comment -  _ I’m pretty sure you wiped out 2x as much as I did _ \- and she knows this isn’t evidence of anything, really, but it feels like there’s some subtext here she’s not picking up on.

Lindsey Facetimes her the next afternoon and Emily flops on the couch before picking up.

“Hi.”

“ _ Hey, _ ” Lindsey greets, “ _ did you see Kelley’s new post?” _

Emily rolls her eyes and scoffs.

_ “Wait, that’s a stupid question. Of course you have, why would I even ask that? You probably clicked on the notification the instant-” _

“Can you stop?” Emily asks, and she can feel a headache coming on for whatever reason. “I’m not actually that obsessed with her, you know.”

This time, Lindsey snorts, “ _ yeah, sure _ .”

_ “I mean, I’m sure you’re happy about seeing Kelley and Hope together.” _

Emily pauses, and there’s that nagging feeling again that she’s missing something big here.

“What are you talking about? Is that something I shouldn’t be happy about?”

_ “You don’t know anything, do you,” _ Lindsey says, and it’s only mildly infuriating.

“Are you ever going to tell me, or are you just going to keep hinting at it?”

Lindsey sighs through Emily’s speakers. “ _ I don’t even know if there’s anything  _ to  _ tell, really. But Sam was telling me how Moe told her that Allie saw Kelley and Hope hanging out at a bar like last year, during the victory tour before Kelley got her ankle knocked out-” _

“That’s it?”

_ “You didn’t let me finish, Sonny. But apparently Allie told Alex and then Alex asked Kelley about it, who got kinda brushed it off and said they were just friends, except afterward Alex saw Kelley talking to Hope like urgently. Then Alex told Allie and Allie told Moe and Moe told Sam who told me,” _ Lindsey takes a breath,  _ “if that makes any sense. _ ”

Emily’s headache is only worse now and she rubs her head, trying to alleviate some of the pain.

“That makes absolutely  _ no  _ sense.”

Lindsey rolls her eyes.  _ “Basically, Allie saw Kelley and Hope looking kinda close and told a bunch of people. And this has been going on for a while.” _

“Well, maybe they’re actually just friends,” Emily reasons, “and we’re making something out of nothing.”

_ “There’s probably more that neither of us knows about,” _ Lindsey says, and Emily hates the way it almost cuts through her chest, “ _ but enough of that. I don’t call you just to gossip, you know.” _

Emily doubts that a little, but they move on and spend another hour talking about random things - Lindsey talks about something called avocado toast and how it’s “absolutely life-changing, you need to try it sometime” and her ex-ish boyfriend and Emily talks about seeing an old classmate at Target and running into the Lego section to avoid them.

They eventually hang up and Emily cooks dinner for herself, Lindsey’s words still running through her head: _ “there’s probably more that neither of us knows about.” _

Except, she doesn’t feel any closer to figuring out what’s going on, and it feels like it’s almost eating her alive at this point.

She’ll think about it later, Emily reasons, as she falls asleep that night.

—-

“So,” Emma asks her a couple of days before her flight out in the middle of a Starbucks, “are you ever going to tell me what’s going on with you and Kelley?”

“Nothing happening. I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Emily says, trying to keep her voice stable. “We’re just friends.”

“You slept over at her house after getting drunk with each other.”

“We weren’t  _ that _ drunk,” Emily says, and some customers turn their heads since Emily might’ve been too loud, and she lowers her voice to a whisper before continuing, “and friends do that all the time.”

“You like her though, don’t you?”

It’s a loaded question and she takes a moment.

“Yeah,” she takes a deep breath, “kinda a lot.”

Emma just looks at her.

It’s the first time she’s admitted out loud that there’s something more here than a simple friendship or even mentorship; something with distance and feelings and other people in the picture, and her breaths are getting shallower by the moment.

“Are you going to do anything about it?”

Emily closes her eyes for a second, feeling the blood rushing to her ears.

“I don’t know that I can,” she says simply.

“There might be someone else.”

“Might?” 

Pictures of Kelley and Hope run through her head - them talking, laughing, hugging - and she feels her heart thudding through her chest—

“It’s just rumors right now,” she brushes off.

“Well, do  _ you _ think Kelley’s dating someone?”

And she has no idea.

As much as there are rumors circulating, she has  _ no idea _ what Kelley’s life looks like outside of soccer. They text each other, sure, but certainly not about every single thing they’re doing. 

The pit in her stomach grows as she thinks about Kelley holding hands with someone else, kissing them, letting them run their hands down the side of her body like at the bar. Emily knows she has no right to feel this possessive, not in the least; Kelley’s a grown woman who makes her own choices and she has absolutely no claim to that.

“I don’t know if she is. She hasn’t told me anything, not that I think she’s supposed to or anything.”

Emma furrows her eyebrows. “What do you mean, that you think she’s not ‘supposed to’?”

And Emily doesn’t want to answer the question,  _ really  _ doesn’t want to admit how deep in her head she’s been about this—

“I just wanted to make sure you knew I don’t think Kelley  _ should _ tell me these things. That’s it.”

“I knew that already,” Emma says, sounding confused, “you didn’t need to clarify.”

Emily’s just feeling more and more conflicted at this point because she shouldn’t be feeling jealous over something that she has no control over, or even something that she doesn’t even know is happening and it must show on her face because Emma keeps talking.

“Wait, did you think that I thought you felt, like, possessive over this kind of thing?”

Emily just blinks. 

“What?”

“Do you feel possessive about Kelley?”

Everything stops for a moment.

Then Emily takes in a sharp breath and her heart is pounding and this feels like too much for a Tuesday morning—

“I,” she takes a breath, “I don’t know. Maybe.”

(she’s a fucking liar, she knows. she’s lying to emma and lindsey and herself and she isn’t doing anything about it.)

But Emma’s face turns into something of surprise, shock, like she’s just found out this dirty little secret (which in some ways, it is, but who’s counting).

“Oh my- you feel-”

“You are so dead if you don’t shut up-”

Emma drops her voice, “You didn’t even feel like this with Taylor, and you were dating her for like a year!”

“Because it wasn’t that serious!”

“So this is serious?”

Emily drops her head onto her hands, trying to calm down.

“This is-,” she lets out a breath, “this can’t be serious because there’s nothing happening. It doesn’t matter how I feel about her, okay? If she doesn’t like me then there’s nothing to be serious about.”

Emma shakes her head a little. “Jesus. It’s like I’m talking to high school Emily all over again.”

Really, the comparison couldn’t be more accurate - she’s feeling a very large dose of teenage angst right now, coupled with emotions she’s always put off sorting through - and she probably should’ve figured these things out in high school. She wasn’t fully out though, nor was she feeling fully confident in her sexuality, so that probably delayed things by a couple of years.

It’s probably why Lindsey always tells her she has no game, and why her relationships have felt scattered at best.

“Okay,” Emma says, bringing Emily out of her head, and she suddenly notices Emma’s gaze softening a bit, “how about this. Why don’t you tell me  _ why _ you like her.”

(it’s a total 180, and she’s never felt so grateful for a change of topic in her life.)

The image of Kelley assembles itself in her mind: her wide grin and freckles and hazel-ish eyes with gold specks in them, like when they woke up next to each other or when Kelley greeted her at her first camp smiling and trying to make her feel welcome, her arms rippling in a training tanktop and baby hairs floating out of her ponytail. 

But then, her attention shifts to who Kelley  _ really _ is; her competitive streak, her carefree energy, her confidence and tenacity and perseverance that she’s shown both on and off the field, then how humble she is and how she can make Emily laugh no matter where they are.

And, she just seems to care  _ so. damn. much. _

“Well, she’s really pretty,” Emily says first.

“But, uh, she’s also just- Kelley’s humble and a hard worker and she, like, goes out of her way to make people  _ feel good _ . And she has this energy that’s renewing and, well,  _ Kelley _ .”

Emma doesn’t say anything for a few moments and Emily starts to feel like she’s screwed up somehow, but then an unfamiliar expression appears on Emma’s face, just a second before fading away.

“You really like her, don’t you,” Emma says, her voice soft.

Emily closes her eyes for a second, takes a deep breath.

“Yeah. I think I really do.”

\---

_ Wednesday, 9:07 am _

_ [Kell] _ Hey, I had another idea!

_ [Kell] _ We should go to a beach sometime. I’ll teach you how to surf.

_ [emily] _ hmmm idk if i’ll be able to stay above water

_ [Kell] _ I mean that’s the fun part.

_ [emily] _ lmao of course you would say that

_ [Kell] _ LOL. If you want we could do it after Christmas.

_ [Kell] _ Also I finally got an apartment in Atlanta so I’m actually hosting a New Year’s party there. Formally extending the invite to you :)

_ [emily]  _ as long as the beer isn’t lukewarm i’ll go

_ [Kell]  _ Learn to surf with me and it’s a done deal.

_ [emily] _ fine. imaginary shake on it?

_ [Kell]  _ Heck yes. Shaking your hand through the phone screen right now.

\---

“Are you talking to her right now?”

Emma’s sitting next to her in the driver’s seat, giving her a ride to the airport because another camp’s starting tomorrow (olympic qualifiers are in two months). Kelley had actually considered giving her a ride and they’d had a whole conversation about it; whether more gas is used carpooling vs. individual rides and whether it’s worth Kelley leaving her family an extra two hours early to drive her. 

As much as Emily wants to see Kelley again she ends up texting her that she doesn’t need to do this for her, even with Kelley’s unwavering dedication telling her it’s not  _ that _ out of her way.

“Who, Kelley?”

“Who else would I be asking about?”

Emily doesn’t say anything and she looks down to see another notification on her screen:

_ [Kell] _ I swear if you’re not on time I’m making Tobin vandalize your apartment.

_ [emily] _ lindsey will have ur ass

“So?” Emma asks again, and Emily  _ really _ just wants her to stop talking-

“What?”

“Are you talking to Kelley?”

Emily looks down at her phone again, sees Kelley’s name pop up again on her screen and yeah, maybe they’ve been texting more since the Starbucks but Emily shrugs anyway. 

“Yeah. Texting technically, but-”

They hit a red light and Emma slaps her hands against the wheel, turning and looking at Emily.

“You know, you’ve told me how you feel about her already - there’s no need to like, hide stuff.”

And really, Emily doesn’t know why she’s been so dodgy about this whole thing (or maybe she does, but she’s not too ready to analyze it) but she keeps getting the feeling that she should hide this like it’s some sort of dirty secret.

“I know,” Emily says, “come on, give me your phone. Your music sucks.”

“Hey, I could say the same about you-”

“-but you won’t, because I’m clearly better-”

The topic of Kelley doesn’t come up again on the rest of the way to the airport, and Emily’s grateful that the topic’s dropped because she isn’t sure she can handle talking about this right now.

Emma drops her off and the airport is already bustling at 8 am; people in a rush trying to check their luggage in or print their boarding passes but she moves through the process like it’s muscle memory, checking in her duffle bag and going through security without a hitch.

_ [Kell] _ Meet you at the closest Starbucks to our gate :)

_ [emily] _ gotcha. just got through security

She beelines towards the coffee shop, picking out Kelley’s bun and baseball cap amidst the crowd and as she gets closer Emily can see the grin on Kelley’s face, somehow bright this early in the morning.

“Hey, Sonny!” Kelley greets, handing her a coffee, “here, I got you your latte.”

“Thanks,” Emily says, taking a sip, “surprised you remembered my order.”

“I’m not  _ that _ bad,” Kelley says, rolling her eyes, “also, I’m glad you’re on time so that I don’t have to sic Tobin on you.”

“Is that the worst that you can think of? Tobin isn’t that scary off the field.”

“I’ll have her nutmeg you in front of everyone,” Kelley says, “or maybe have Alex scare you or something.”

“Alex is intimidating,” Emily murmurs, taking another sip of her coffee.

“She’s not intimidating,” Emily raises an eyebrow, “okay, maybe she’s a little terrifying. But you’re on her good side right now.”

“I am?”

Kelley gives her a weird look.

“Yeah, of course you are. Why wouldn’t you be?”

“She could think I’m annoying.”

“I don’t think anyone thinks you’re annoying,” Kelley says with this sort of conviction, and they’re walking back to their gate right now except Kelley’s head is turned towards her, airport lights reflecting off her eyes and she doesn’t know when they’ve gotten this close.

“You’re funny, Sonny,” Kelley continues, “and just nice to be around. I didn’t want you to stay over because I think you’re some shit person.”

“Well, that’s setting the bar a little low,” Emily murmurs, and Kelley elbows her, “-ow, that hurt dammit-”

Kelley just smirks and Emily’s head swims a little, suddenly aware that, yes, this is basically the first time they’ve acknowledged that fever dream of a Thanksgiving vacation occurred and that Emily still has Kelley’s #19 shorts - they’re in her duffel bag, actually - and also the fact that Kelley was thoughtful enough to get her a coffee  _ and _ remember her order feels like a little bit of a big deal.

Except, she knows it can’t be; not in the middle of an airport where if they don’t pick up the pace they’ll miss their zone being called up.

They get back with a few minutes to spare after Kelley gets stopped for a photo and the fan doesn’t recognize Emily but that’s okay since she can take the picture so that they can get a move on.

“We got lucky this time,” Kelley says as they board the plane, “get to sit next to each other.”

“I know,” Emily replies. “I might fall asleep on you though, so I don’t know if I’ll be much fun.”

“Alex tells me my shoulder is rock-hard,” Kelley grins.

“Must be from all that muscle,” Emily pokes Kelley’s arm, “yup, hard as a piece of jello.”

“You’re hilarious.”

“You already told me that.”

Emily notices their arms are touching as they take off, and she lets the thought simmer in her mind for a little as she finally gives in to the urge to close her eyes and get some much-needed sleep.


	5. how to sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hotel shenanigans and awkward moments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm bad at updating but here it is
> 
> also i do this thing where i write one chapter ahead, so technically chapter 6 is finished right now but i make myself write the next chapter before uploading the previous anyways i'm just telling you this because this chapter has technically been in the works for two months now so i'm not sure what it sounds like anymore

"Do you want to pull a prank on Lindsey?” Emily asks as she lies on the hotel bed, Sam in the bed adjacent to hers since they were lucky enough to get each other as roommates. They’ve just gotten back from a post-dinner meeting about camp structure and information about CONCACAF and Emily feels like she needs to do something else other than scroll through Instagram or think about how important this week is going to be.

“Sure,” Sam murmurs. “I’m tired though, so can we do it tomorrow? We can talk it through now though.”

“Yeah,” Emily says, “okay. We could scare her again.”

“Eh, as long as it doesn’t involve spiders I’m cool with it. You’ve like, scared her a bunch of times already, right?”

Emily lapses into thought for a few moments, racking her brain for something new.

“What about air horns?”

“I think they have them at Walmart.”

“What don’t they have at Walmart?” Emily asks, jumping out of her bed to get a piece of paper and a pen and walking over to Sam’s bed.

“So, if we put like three behind her pillow and two behind her door—”

“You could probably change her alarms too—”

“—yeah, just, like, a barrage of air horns for the whole day.”

10 minutes later, they both sit back, looking at what Emily’s drawn and the sheer number of horns they’re probably going to need for this insane thing.

“Lindsey’s going to fucking murder us,” Emily murmurs.

“I’m blaming you.”

Emily pouts. “Unfair. You helped me!”

“You drew this!” Sam motions towards the slip of paper with Emily’s pencil marks all over it. “Fine. I’ll take partial responsibility. But you’re driving tomorrow.”

“You know, ten airhorns could be too many,” Emily mutters, looking at the diagram again, “I don’t know if Walmart will even have that much.”

“It’ll be fine,” Sam says, “we’ll just get however many they have. Are you going to shower tonight?”

Emily’s used to the abrupt change in topic at this point, but half of her is still thinking about the most strategic placement for the air horn in Lindsey’s locker when Sam taps her shoulder.

“Hm? Oh, I already did. You can use the bathroom.”

Sam gets up and Emily lies back on her bed, scrolling through her phone when a text comes through and she’s clicking the notification the second she gets it—

_ Sunday, 10:52 pm _

_ [Kell] _ You better be asleep.

_ [emily] _ why would you text me then

_ [Kell]  _ It’s a test. If you go to sleep you get an A+.

_ [emily]  _ says ms stanford

_ [emily]  _ sam’s in the bathroom and all my stuff’s in there

_ [Kell] _ I would say come here but uhh

_ [Kell]  _ I mean Lindsey would be fine with it but you’ve already settled in.

_ [emily] _ i think that’s the first time i’ve seen you end a text w/o a question mark

_ [Kell] _ Very funny, peach.

_ [Kell]  _ Go to bed.

She’s smirking as she reads Kelley’s last text, not noticing that Sam’s just come out of the bathroom and has sat down on her bed.

“Who are you talking to?” Sam asks, “anyone special?”

Emily jerks her head up, shutting off her phone and shoving it into the comforter beside her, “It’s just Kelley.”

“Oh,” Sam shrugs, “You want me to set the alarms for tomorrow?”

Emily nods, feeling her heart rate decrease as she walks towards the bathroom and 15 minutes later she’s back in bed, the lights out and some specks of light shining through the window. She  _ would _ go on her phone until she feels like she’s about to pass out, but it’s charging and Emily doesn’t want to disturb that.

Her mind drifts to what Jill covered in the meeting; they’ll be upping the intensity of camps from here on out, trying to determine who’s on the roster for the tournament and she feels the ball in her chest start to bunch up a bit, clenching her jaw while staring up at the ceiling. She should be doing more—more training, more conditioning, not lying in this bed right now and suddenly she feels like her skin’s tingling and she needs to move, needs to do  _ something _ .

Her phone is suddenly in her hands and she’s pulling up Messenger like she needs it, clicking on Kelley’s contact info and—

_ Sunday, 11:37 pm _

_ [emily] _ god sometimes i feel like i’m not doing enough

(it feels like a mistake, actually, to do this now or even at all; Kelley is a friend and she shouldn’t be dumping this stuff on her—taking it too far, too soon. they’ve only begun to develop this friendship and she shouldn’t be testing these bounds so much.)

Except, there’s no going back, and Emily shuts off her phone again and sets it down on the nightstand. Kelley’s undoubtedly asleep by now and she should at least  _ try _ to get some shut-eye, even if her mind’s still racing and she feels like she’s about to jump out of her skin.

\---

Kelley finds her after dinner the next day, catching her in the elevator on the way up to their floor.

“Sonny, hey. You doing ok?”

It takes a few moments for it to register that she’s talking about Emily’s impromptu text and she can feel the blush creeping up her cheeks.

“I’m fine. I just-” she waves it off a little, “-nothing. It was really late last night, that’s it.”

Emily lets out a dry laugh and she can tell Kelley really isn’t buying it, but she turns her face forward and looks at the numbers going up anyways.

“Ok,” Kelley replies, placing a hand on Emily’s upper arm, “if you’re sure.”

Emily nods just as the elevator dings and she lets Kelley step out first, about to head in the opposite direction when—

“Has Lindsey asked you yet?” Kelley suddenly asks, and they’re standing in the middle of the brightly lit hotel hallway with red carpet and cream walls and it feels heavier than it should be.

“Asked what?”

“Well, last night she asked me if I would be okay with having you come over since she misses you,” Kelley brushes her hair back, “and I obviously said yes.”

Emily blinks. “Does she want me to come over now?”

And it doesn’t feel like this is about Lindsey anymore because if they really wanted to know the answer they could just go knock on Kelley’s and Lindsey’s shared room and see what Lindsey has to say, except they’re still standing here, Kelley looking a little more nervous than usual (why, Emily has no idea).

“I mean, sure,” Kelley replies, and it seems like they’re in this strange sort of limbo with neither one of them wanting to take action and Emily just wants to stop this awkwardness.

“Cool,” Emily says, grabbing Kelley’s hand and leading her opposite Emily’s own room, “you have your key card, right?”

“Yeah, of course,” Kelley says, and suddenly the lightness in her tone is back, “what, you think I’m an idiot?”

“Only sometimes.”

“That’s just rude,” Kelley pouts, and Emily grins.

“Or maybe you’re just old and forgetting stuff.”

Kelley shoves Emily then and walks a couple more steps to her room, opening it a few seconds later with “Lindsey, Sonnett’s here to watch  _ Grey’s _ with you!” and Emily recovers to follow Kelley. Lindsey’s sitting inside, of course, and Emily flops dramatically right onto her bed, half on Lindsey’s legs and half on the actual mattress.

“Good to see you too,” Lindsey deadpans as she shakes Emily off her legs.

“I heard you were missing me.”

“Oh, totally. It’s not like I haven’t seen you in basically a month or anything, while Kelley over there,” Lindsey gestures towards her, “got to see you over Thanksgiving break.”

“Lindsey, we live together.”

“I miss you! Is that a crime?”

Kelley snorts from across the room and both Emily and Lindsey turn their heads at the same time to look at her.

“Y’all bicker like a married couple,” Kelley says rolling her eyes, and Emily replies with a “thanks Kelley” at the same time Lindsey says—

“Sonnett’s been single for a year and a half, you know.” 

Kelley’s eyebrows raise at that information.

“That’s surprising,” she murmurs, and it actually isn’t sarcastic in the least—Kelley seems genuinely surprised that Emily’s been single for that long and Emily has no idea what to do with that information.

She’s already elbowed Lindsey for blurting out that ‘fact’ about her and Lindsey’s glared at her back, but it’s already out there and she can’t make Lindsey take her words back and she hates this, hates that Kelley makes her feel on edge in this way and that Lindsey even spilled this information in the first place.

“I’ve just been really busy, that’s all,” Emily says, and there’s a defensive undercurrent in her voice that she can’t help.

“Happens to the best of us,” Kelley replies, “especially with tournament season and everything. You just gotta make time for each other.”

Emily notices a hint of a smile tugging at the corners of Kelley’s mouth as she speaks and she gets the feeling again that she’s missing something, that Kelley could have a particular someone in mind.

“Well, anyways-” Kelley gets up from her bed, grabs the remote, “you two want to watch a movie?”

Lindsey says “sure” from beside her and Emily’s too caught up in her head to do anything other than nod. Kelley thumbs through the channels, eventually settling on a Harry Potter marathon and Lindsey leans her head on Emily’s shoulder.

They don’t move for another two hours.

\---

“Sonny, hurry up.”

Sam’s standing behind her in aisle five at the local Walmart, her arms probably crossed, while Emily rummages through the shelves to try to find as many air horns as possible. She’s currently got four, and there could be a fifth hiding behind the Nerf football or mock Patriots helmet.

“I  _ am _ hurrying,” Emily mutters, shoving a shoulder pad out of the way before striking gold. “See? I got another. That’s another pillow that can now go honk, and it wouldn’t have been able to if you kept rushing me.”

“We’re going to be late for lunch.”

“Lunch, smunch. We got duct tape, right?”

Sam cranes her neck down to look at the shopping basket, “yup”.

“Perfect.”

They check out and head back to the hotel, dumping the supplies into their room before heading downstairs again. Emily’s preoccupied thinking about horn placement as she gets food, sitting down in front of Lindsey a couple of minutes later only to notice her glare at Emily.

“What?”

“Where were you?”

“Me and Sam were watching something and lost track of time,” Emily lies.

Lindsey narrows her eyes just as Sam sits down, and she looks like she’s about to question her before her head turns slightly, looking at a table across the room.

“I think this is the first time I’ve seen Kelley and Hope here for lunch,” Lindsey murmurs, just loud enough so that Emily can hear her.

“What are you looking at?” Sam asks, and Lindsey gestures to Kelley and Hope sitting  _ very _ close to each other, caught in lively conversation and Emily can see the grin on Kelley’s face as she throws her head back to laugh at something Hope’s said.

“Interesting.”

“I know, right? It  _ is _ interesting,” Lindsey echos and Emily rolls her eyes to avoid staring at Kelley and Hope any longer.

“It’s not  _ that _ interesting,” Emily murmurs, “seriously, is there any reason you guys are so invested in this?”

Lindsey gives her look, furrowing her eyebrows before shrugging, “You’re the last person I would’ve thought would say that.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Emily asks.

“Well, it’s Kelley. Your totally-not-cru-”

Emily claps her hand over Lindsey’s mouth and Sam just looks at the two of them, mouth agape, before cracking her mouth into a grin.

“It makes sense now!” Sam exclaims, and Emily just really wishes she could be a little quieter.

“What?”

“Shhh- wait, look over there—”

“I’m not an idiot, that’s not going to make me stop wondering what you meant—” 

Emily turns her head anyway and stops.

She expects to see Kelley and Hope laughing together, maybe even moving so close that their heads are nearly touching, smirking about something only the two of them know about but it’s something else entirely.

They’re both completely gone, with their plates still here.

“Maybe they just went to the bathroom,” Lindsey comments. “Or forgot to throw away their stuff.”

“Kelley wouldn’t forget,” Emily murmurs, and both of her teammates give her a sort of look before turning their attention back to the absences.

“Do you think they’re going to come back?” Sam asks.

“Maybe,” Lindsey shrugs, “I don’t know.”

Emily’s mind is already racing because Kelley generally isn’t the type to leave a mess—it seems like they both left in a rush, actually—and while this definitely could be an innocent mistake she can’t help but drift to the possibility their leaving was caused by something not completely, well, innocent. The thought nauseates her a little and there’s the slight possessiveness again, even though she really shouldn’t be feeling this way.

She’s probably just overreacting.

(she’s definitely just overreacting, actually, but it’s so frustrating that she can’t tell what’s real and what she’s just making up in her head and she just wants all of it to stop before it all spirals out of control. if it hasn’t completely.)

“We should just drop it,” Emily says, massaging her temples slightly before lifting her head again. “I mean, they’re friends. That’s probably just it.”

“ _ Probably _ ,” Lindsey emphasizes, but Emily sees Sam kick her from under the table and she thankfully stops.

“Sonnett, I’m going to head back up,” Sam says, giving Emily a wink and it’s then that Emily remembers there’s this whole prank they’re supposed to be pulling on Lindsey.

“Actually, I’ll go with you,” Emily says, and Lindsey looks up from her half-full, feigning hurt.

“What? You just got here.”

“Oh, shit, I forgot my room key,” she pats her pockets to prove her point, “Sam needs to let me in.”

Lindsey looks incredulous as the two of them walk away, but they turn into the hallway with the elevators (away from Lindsey’s sight) and Sam immediately gives her a high-five.

“Nice getaway.”

“I actually forgot my key though,” Emily says as they step into the elevator, “so you  _ are  _ going to have to let me in.”

“You’re hopeless,” Sam says. “How are we getting into Lindsey’s room though?”

“I put a small doorstop on the floor so it wouldn’t close.”

“That seems slightly illegal.”

“We’ve got enough air horns to blast someone into space,” the elevator dings and they walk out, heading towards their room to get the Walmart bag, “it’s bound to get illegal at some point.”

Emily’s glad to see the door still cracked open a sliver when they get to Lindsey’s (and Kelley’s) room, and she’s too busy thinking about the correct way to tape airhorns onto a fucking doorknob or behind a pillow to see —

“Sonnett.”

Hope’s lying on Kelley’s bed, Kelley’s head on her chest, the TV on softly on the opposite side of the room.

“Hey, Solo,” Sam says from beside Emily and she’d almost forgotten her roommate was there for a second, attempting to take all of this in, “hi, Kelley.”

“What’re you doing here?” Kelley murmurs from the bed, and Emily can’t help but notice how comfortable she looks lying on Hope, “How’d you even get in?”

“I \-  uh—”

“We’re going to play a prank on Lindsey,” Sam pipes up again, holding up the Walmart bag. “Got a bunch of airhorns and we’re going to put them behind her pillow.”

Kelley barks out a laugh, lifting herself up back to a normal sitting position while Hope regards them warily.

“That’s great,” Kelley says. “Next time though, I can give you a key. So that you don’t have to break into the hotel room.”

Emily just blinks. “Thanks.”

“And I like your shorts, Sonny.”

She looks down at the same time everyone else turns their attention to what she’s wearing and it’s then Emily remembers she’d put the white shorts on because she didn’t have anything else that was clean. There was certainly no intent for Kelley to see them though, even with the number 19 feeling oh-so-obvious now.

Her ears burn as she looks back up, giving a small smile, “I like them too. Just can’t remember where I got them from.”

And then Kelley just smirks until Hope clears her throat, and Emily’s reminded the two of them aren’t the only people in the room.

“Well, we’ll get to work,” Emily says, and she feels Kelley’s eyes on her as she walks across the room to Lindsey’s bed with Sam.

Thirty minutes later, they’ve managed to booby-trap both of Lindsey’s pillows and tape an air horn on the spot where the door handle meets the wall. Both she and Sam make sure to warn Kelley of where the airhorns are placed, and Sam’s already asked Lindsey if they can watch a movie tonight as a setup. 

Emily assigns herself as the videographer, and she tells herself it’s because she wants a better vantage point of Lindsey’s reaction and not totally because she wants to spend some more time with Kelley, who asked if she could watch as well.

Sam makes them go thirty minutes before their afternoon lifting session and once they’re outside Sam starts.

“Well, that happened.”

Emily pauses for a moment.

“What does that mean?”

“I didn’t know you and Kelley were this close,” Emily opens her mouth to object, “and I don’t even want to know what you two were talking about with the shorts.”

Emily’s silent as they get to their room and Sam lets them in.

“Hope was there,” Emily says. 

“I saw,” Sam yells from the bathroom. “She kind of stared you down a little.”

“Do you think she hates me?”

“She could just feel threatened because she thinks you’re, like, stealing Kelley from her.”

“Or she could just hate me.”

Sam comes out of the bathroom, “That too.”

\---

_ Tuesday, 5:36 pm _

_ [emily] _ let me in

_ [emily] _ hurry up lindsey’s abt to get here

_ [kell] _ Jeez, I’m coming.

Emily turns off her phone and a second later, Kelley opens the door.

She’s wearing a Stanford hoodie and shorts identical to the ones Emily was caught wearing earlier, and Emily can’t help but just look at her for a second before getting herself together.

“I like your shorts.”

The phrase stumbles out of her mouth and Kelley looks down for a moment before breaking into a wide grin.

“Got me there, Sonny,” Kelley smirks, “you going to come in, or are we just going to stand out here?”

“You’re blocking the door.”

“I have no doubt you’d be able to get past me if you wanted to.”

Emily rolls her eyes and Kelley steps aside, letting her in and making sure to not make the doorknob hit the air horn taped to the wall behind it.

She ends up hiding behind the couch, pulling out her phone and getting it ready. There’s a soft  _ thump _ from the front of the room though, probably from Kelley just flopping back onto her bed, except Emily notices a stray hair that falls out of Kelley’s loose bun as a result. Suddenly, there’s this whole image in her head (similar to that drunken friday night, except they’re not drunk)—Kelley, just Kelley, with her hoodie and her shorts and stray hair and golden-flecked hazel eyes, sinking into the hotel pillows—

Here, she doesn’t look like the larger-than-life defender Emily’s always envisioned.

She just looks like Kelley.

“Sonny, they’re coming right now,” Emily hears, and she starts recording just in time—

Lindsey slams open the room door and Emily swears the  _ HONK _ blasts her soul out of her body.

She screams, a high-pitched thing Emily stops recording halfway through to avoid —

“What the FUCK?”

Sam walks in right behind and the three of them burst into laughter, but then Lindsey sees her and makes a run to grab the phone. She ends up tackling Emily on the ground, trying to pry it out of Emily’s hands while Emily’s trying to edit it so that she can post it on her story.

“I’m literally going to set fire to all of your sneakers —”

Emily gasps, moving the phone away from Lindsey’s grasp, “You wouldn’t dare—”

“Girls, girls,” Kelley chataises, “break it up, you two.”

“Sonnett needs to delete that video,” Lindsey says, still trying to get the phone.

“We actually spent money on this,” Sam replies. “No way we’re deleting it.”

Lindsey grumbles as she gets up off of the floor.

“You guys suck.”

Emily replays the video again, partially just to spite Lindsey, partially because she wants to watch her handiwork again. Lindsey just pouts as she listens, getting on her own bed and Emily remembers to stop the video just in time for everyone to watch Lindsey lean back on her pillows—

_ HONK. _

Lindsey screams again and then pulls back the pillow to reveal four other air horns propped up behind it and she looks so angry that Emily’s a little scared for her life.

“Emily Ann Sonnett, I’m going to fucking murder you.”

And she only gets a few milliseconds of a head start before Lindsey’s chasing after her, running right out of Kelley’s room and down the hotel hallway.

(but emily doesn’t miss Kelley’s smirk, even as she’s fleeing the scene.

and maybe, if she notices Kelley get up and poke her head through the door as she’s turning her head, that’s completely normal too.)

\---

[lindsey_airhorn.MP4]

**_@emilysonnett_ ** Camp was fun. So was scaring Lindsey.

> **@** ** _kelleyohara_** Truly a prank mastermind (not as good as me) - we should still team up some time to scare people though.
> 
> **_@emilysonnett_ ** definitely

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the support. if you want send me anons on tumblr or comment here i love hearing what y'all think :)


	6. no hindsight in 2020

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's the new years' chapter 4 months late

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am quite exicted for this one people so sit down buckle up and get ready it is a doozy of a chapter
> 
> also the new year is 2016 in this, so please forgive my horrendous pun as a chapter title

She’s back in Georgia and everything feels the same as a week ago.

A major holiday is still coming up (New Year’s) and Kelley is still living an hour away from her—at least that’s what she thinks is happening—and she still feels a little trapped at home with not a lot to do. Emma’s not going to be home until next week, and it’s getting a little tiring to do the same routine every day, even after Christmas.

Kelley texts her the fourth day they’re back.

_ [Kell] _ Can you drive down to Atlanta today?

_ [Kell] _ Need help moving into my new apartment, but all my other friends are at work.

She gets into the car the second she gets the notification, really, and plugs in Kelley’s address at a red light - she wants to get out of the house, wants to do something useful, and really, really wants to see Kelley again.

After thirty minutes of going slightly above the speed limit and weaving through traffic, she’s walking up the stairs to apartment 1416, knocking once, twice —

Kelley opens the door.

“Sonny. You actually came.”

“Why wouldn’t I come?” Emily asks, a little confused. “Did my text not send?”

“It’s the day after Christmas, and you could’ve had stuff to do.”

It’s then Emily notices the bags under Kelley’s eyes, how she looks a little frazzled—maybe it’s the stress of moving, or maybe something else that Emily doesn’t know about but this could be the first time Emily’s ever seen Kelley like this.

“I’m not as popular as you think I am.”

“That’s definitely not true.”

There’s a moment where they’re just looking at each other, then; Kelley standing in the doorway, Emily in the middle of the crappily-lit hallway, until Emily breaks.

“Are you going to let me in, or am I just going to stand out here and die of vitamin D deficiency?”

(she actually remembers Kelley saying something like that during camp and it seems like Kelley does too, with the way a corner of her mouth tilts up slightly.)

Kelley waves Emily in, walking her through the empty apartment, pointing out features like the balcony or the shower with extra jets.

“All the boxes are still in my car,” Kelley explains, sounding slightly apologetic, “so we’re going to have to bring them up.”

“I think this is what Dawn trains us for,” Emily replies, looking around, “not soccer, but carrying boxes.”

That gets a little smile out of Kelley, and a rush of something—pride, maybe—rushes through Emily.

“I don’t have any furniture right now, though,” Kelley continues, “all of it should come in the next couple of days. Hopefully in time for the party.”

“Your New Year’s party?”

“That’s the goal.”

Kelley walks into the middle of what Emily thinks could be the living room and spins around a little, looking around the room before clapping her hands.

“Alright. You ready for this?”

“Of course,” Emily grins, feeling a little happier when Kelley smiles back, “Excited to get my lifting done for the day.”

An hour later they’re both sitting on the apartment hardwood floor, tissue paper and random utensils around them and Emily’s glad she didn’t forget to put on deodorant. Kelley looks slightly affected as well—at least she’s not the only one—but Emily’s also noticed how her mood’s improved a lot since when she first opened the door and greeted her.

Speaking of which, she still hasn’t had the opportunity (or gathered the courage) to ask Kelley why she seemed a little off this morning, and part of her has been debating all morning whether that would be something she’s allowed to do and not have it be, like, weird.

Emily digs through another box, still mulling it over a little more when her hand touches something oddly shaped, and there’s suddenly a porcelain statue of a succulent in her hand. 

Kelley takes one look at her and snorts, laughs to herself.

“What?”

“You—”

Kelley lets out another laugh again, and Emily really doesn’t understand what’s so funny, but if she can make Kelley laugh she’s perfectly fine with it.

“Your facial expression as you pulled him out was hilarious,” Kelley grins, as she rips open another box.

“Him? This statue’s a  _ him _ ?”

“His name’s Timothy, actually,” Kelley informs cheerfully, “picked him up from a yard sale back at home.”

Emily looks at the almost puke-colored statue in her hand, turns it around a couple of times.

“I just don’t understand why you wouldn’t get a real succulent,” Emily says, “or hell, even a plastic one. Both are pretty hard to kill. I mean, one survived in my dorm for two years.”

“They must be pretty much immortal, then,” Kelley comments.

Emily takes the opportunity to shove Kelley in the upper arm with Timothy the porcelain succulent and Kelley mocks hurt, turning herself away.

They unpack boxes for a few more minutes, the sound of tissue paper crinkling and small side comments filling the silence. Emily’s brain drifts, floating back to the question of whether she’s allowed to breach the subject of Kelley’s mood this morning when Kelley says something again.

“You’re awfully quiet.”

It takes a moment for Emily to realize that Kelley’s talking to her.

“What?”

“You seem like you’ve been thinking a lot,” Kelley says in a way that’s phrased like a question.

Emily lets it hang in the air for a moment.

“Why were you surprised when I showed up this morning?” Emily asks in lieu of a direct response, and she watches as Kelley stills cutting open the next cardboard box, furrowing her eyebrows for a short second before returning to normal.

“I wasn’t sure you’d actually show up,” Kelley says, matter-of-the-fact, and Emily gets the feeling that there’s something deeper here she isn’t noticing.

“Did someone else, uh,” the instant the words come out of her mouth she regrets it, but she’s already committed goddammit, “did someone else not show up?”

Kelley doesn’t say anything and Emily’s just about ready to jump into one of the cardboard boxes, ship herself to the opposite side of the planet. She can feel her face start to blush as she looks down, actually, the blood all rushing to her face—

“You’re coming to my New Year’s party, right?” Kelley suddenly says, making Emily jerk her head back up.

“Of course. Wouldn’t think of missing it.”

“Well,” Emily notices Kelley take a deep breath, “some other people said they couldn’t make it.”

Emily pauses, scrunches her nose.

“Oh. That sucks.”

Kelley lets out a dry laugh, “yeah, it does suck. But it’ll still be good, since you and a bunch of other people are there.”

“I’ll make sure to be the life of the party, then,” Emily replies, giving Kelley a grin and Kelley smiles back, a genuine something that Emily’s just glad to see reappear (nevermind the whole i-make-Kelley-laugh thing she’s a little proud of).

They go back to cutting boxes open for another couple minutes before Kelley puts her scissors down again.

“Alright, I need a break,” Kelley mutters, groaning as she gets up from the floor. “We’re going to get some lunch.”

“Your stamina’s this short?” a shit-eating grin appears on her face, “You’re getting old.”

“Shove it, Sonny.”

Emily reaches out her hand anyway, motioning for Kelley to come help pull her up. She rolls her eyes before complying, of course, but Emily can’t help but feel the warmth of her palm (in the least creepy way possible) as Kelley drags her up.

“There’s this cafe I want to show you,” Kelley says as she tugs on her coat, grabs her wallet and keys. “They’ve got something called avocado toast I think you’d like.”

(she doesn’t have the heart to tell Kelley she’s had it before but later, when she takes her “first-ever” bite of avocado toast and sees the grin on Kelley’s face, she thinks it’s worth it.)

\---

Emma’s there on the couch when Emily slams the front door shut just after eight pm, watching Netflix. Emily flops down beside her.

She spent the entire car ride thinking, like she always does, going over every interaction she can remember and how she could’ve acted differently, maybe, but then there was traffic as she was driving out which annoyed the shit out of her because some people think it’s their god-given right to lay on their fucking horns and cut people off.

Short story short, she’s a little pissed right now, and just wants to decompress with some trashy Netflix show.

“Long time no see,” Emma greets, “you’ve been gone all day.”

“I was helping out a friend.” 

“And does this friend’s name start with a K and end in e-l-l-”

Emily whacks her sister’s head with a chevron-patterned pillow. “You’re not being very subtle right now.”

“Seems like that’s the only way to get through your thick skull,” Emma throws the pillow back, hitting Emily square on the head, “you idiot. What did you do the whole time anyway?”

“Kelley asked if I could help her move into her new apartment. It’s in Atlanta,” Emily explains. Emma stares at her for a full five seconds.

“What?”

“Seriously?”

She’s racking her mind, but it’s pretty much blank.

“What?” Emily asks again, and this time Emma rolls her eyes.

“That’s like, incredibly domestic. On a scale from one to married, that’s married with a cat. Or a dog.” 

“Or, it could just be one friend calling another friend for a favor,” Emily proposes, because she really doesn’t want to feel like this thing should be (or is) another part of her gigantic overthinking scheme, if that even makes sense. She just wants to be able to enjoy time with Kelley and not have to rethink everything she’s doing, saying; is that so much to ask?

(she’s tired, she realizes. tired of overthinking and almost obsessing over every detail, every scene that could’ve played out differently.)

“It’s not like she asked me to move in with her or anything,” Emily continues a moment later. “We just unpacked boxes the whole time.”

“And there wasn’t anything else behind it? No looks—”

“Can you stop?” she snaps, and the look on Emma’s face makes her feel bad but not bad enough to apologize. It’s a shitty move that matches sour note the day’s somehow ended on—not that that’s an excuse, or anything—her frustration growing from the shitty Atlanta traffic and how her brain can’t seem to shut off, all the way up to how Emma won’t stop badgering her about this. 

“I’m just—” she takes a deep breath, “I’m going to go to bed, okay?”

Emma doesn’t say anything as Emily leaves and she walks into her bedroom, flops onto her bed.

Her mind drifts, of course, going right back to Kelley this morning because it’s still bothering her that someone would refuse to come to her friend’s (/crush, but that’s irrelevant) housewarming party, but even more important that this person meant enough to Kelley that she could feel off because of it.

(and yeah, maybe this feels a little like a spiral, but she isn’t in the mood to self-police her thoughts - she just wants to feel them out right now, stop holding herself to this impossibly high standard she normally does.)

\---

_ Thursday, 9:07 am _

_ [Kell] _ Come over at 4

_ [Kell] _ And bring beer

_ [emily]  _ new year’s!!

_ [emily] _ oh uh can i ask is anyone else i know going to be there

_ [Kell] _ My sisters are all coming and some high school friends but other than that IDTS.

_ [Kell] _ Moe couldn’t make it :(

_ [emily] _ well you have me lol

_ [Kell] _ Exactly! You’re getting it now.

\---

This time, when Kelley opens the door, she looks  _ vibrant _ .

Emily’s holding a six-pack at the doorstep and Kelley’s grinning (probably not from alcohol just yet), invites Emily to come in.

“Hey, Sonny. Happy New Year!” Kelley greets, gesturing for Emily to give her her jacket like the gentlewoman she is. “My sisters are already here but other than that, you’re the first non-O’Hara to show up.”

“I actually made an effort to be on time,” Emily replies, walking with Kelley into the newly set-up kitchen where everyone is standing.

“I’m so proud of you.”

Emily just grins, but then Kelley calls out “Sonny’s here, y’all!” and four other heads turn at the same time to look at her. She recognizes (presumably) Kelley’s sister and brother vaguely, probably from Kelley’s posts on Instagram.

Kelley goes through the motions of introducing her to everyone, giving everyone an awkward small wave all the way up to Erin, who insists on giving her a hug.

“So  _ this _ is Sonnett,” Erin states, giving her the once-over and Emily can’t help but feel she’s under scrutiny for some reason. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“We all have! Kelley talks a lot about you,” Jerry says.

Emily looks over at Kelley because she really didn’t expect  _ this _ , but Kelley’s looking dead ahead and her cheeks look a little flushed—it could also just be the kitchen lighting, though.

The five of them make small talk for a couple of more minutes until there’s another knock at the door. Kelley leaves to get it, giving Erin a pointed look for whatever reason, and now she’s alone with the rest of the O’Hara’s and maybe she feels a little intimidated because, well, she doesn’t want them to  _ not  _ like her.

Dan gives her a smile that looks a lot like Kelley’s, and Emily feels a little relieved that they all haven’t pounced on her yet. “When did you get called up to the national team?”

“A couple of months ago,” Emily replies. “Kelley’s been helping me adjust and get acquainted.”

“I’m sure she has,” Erin says, and Emily gets that feeling again that there’s something here she’s missing. “You know, Kelley really  _ does _ talk a lot about you.”

Emily furrows her eyebrows. “She does?”

“Yeah,” Jerry chimes in, “Kelley—”

“What about me?”

Kelley walks back in, this time with a couple of other people and they do introductions, the previous conversation long forgotten. They all hang around for a bit until Kelley’s parents leave with a “nice to meet you, Emily!” since more of Kelley’s friends have shown up.

Emily watches as the living rooms starts filling up—soccer moms, successful business people, people with a spouse and two kids and a white-picket-fence house—all people in very different phases of life than she is, and Kelley seems to get along with all of them.

(well, duh, actually. Kelley invited them since they’re her friends, so of course she’d be happy to hang with them.)

She eventually finds her way to Kelley’s new couch after several attempts at small talk (mostly about kids and work), turning on the TV and finding a rerun of an Arsenal game. Her attention drifts between checking her phone and the TV, since Lindsey’s decided now is a good time to text her about her ex(?) and how he’s invited her over for New Years again.

After Lindsey’s all texted-out about the flowers he gave her but then forgetting about her shellfish allergy for dinner, Emily tells her about her current situation and Lindsey almost blows up.

She squints through Lindsey’s stream of texts, mostly consisting of “seriously??” and “i cannot believe you didn’t tell me about this sooner” and “please don’t get too drunk,” then shuts off her phone with a sigh.

At this point, Emily just wants to go home.

And then Kelley chooses this exact moment to plop down beside her, her whole body  _ radiating  _ this sort of joy and Emily doesn’t know what she wants anymore.

“Enjoying yourself?”

“Watching Arsenal was fun,” Emily replies, even though she knows it’s not a direct response. It seems like Kelley can see right through her though, because—

Kelley puts her hand on Emily’s shoulder, and Emily tries not to flinch.

“There aren’t many people here you can talk to, huh,” Kelley says ruefully, and Emily nods. 

“It’s ok though.”

Kelley just looks at her.

“You deserve to have fun, Sonny,” she’s up from the couch now, extending a hand towards Emily, “Come’re. I’m sure you can charm the pants off of these people.”

Kelley ends up getting her another beer before dragging her from cluster to cluster of people, edging into each conversation and introducing her to everyone else. They (surprisingly) don't seem to mind, actually, that there’s a kid five years younger than them in the mix and Emily finds it easier to talk once they’ve turned the conversation to soccer or Georgia (which, to be honest, is most of what people are talking about).

Before she knows it, a couple of more hours have passed and it’s just past 11:30. They’ve made the circle around the apartment and Emily can feel herself crashing a little as Kelley pulls her to the side.

“That wasn’t so bad, right?”

Emily leans against the apartment wall, closes her eyes for a second.

“Nah, it really wasn’t. Still a little worn out, though.”

“Makes sense,” Kelley says. “If you want, you could just stay here. Or go out to the balcony.”

“I’ll be fine,” Emily replies, and Kelley gives her a look reading “if you’re sure” before patting her back and walking back into the crowded living room.

She decides to take Kelley up on her offers and finds her way to the balcony in Kelley’s room. After wrestling with the sliding door for a few moments, suddenly—

It’s  _ marvelous  _ outside.

There’s wind blowing on her face from Kelley’s 7th-floor apartment and she can see the city lights shining all around her, various sounds of cars rushing past but it’s also muted, much more muted out here than inside. She hadn’t realized how hot she was, actually, until the cool city air hit her skin but now she feels like she might never go back.

Emily leans on the guardrails, looking straight down to the street. Even though it’s twenty minutes to midnight on New Year’s Eve, she can still see people passing by on the sidewalk, no doubt trying to get somewhere in time for the clock to strike.

She can feel a little anticipation building, stacking inside her just a little and she finds herself drifting back to this rush of a year; football, finally graduating, meeting so many new people and, well, Kelley.

Maybe she’ll look back later and realize none of this was— is completely healthy, but to be fair, there aren’t many things in life that are.

But for now, she’s content on looking at the Atlanta skyline ten minutes until midnight, standing on Kelley’s apartment balcony.

It’s then she hears the sliding door open.

“I figured you could use a drink.”

Emily looks down and sees, well, beer, city lights reflecting on the condensation down the side of the can. She wordlessly takes it.

“It’s nice out here, huh?”

Emily tilts her head slightly and there’s Kelley, holding an identical can. She leans on the rails too, looking out at the lights and Emily can see some of them reflect in her eyes.

“It is,” Emily agrees, taking a sip.

It’s crisp, probably just out of the cooler as it runs down her throat, and she closes her eyes for a second.

“Nice view.”

When Emily opens her eyes again, Kelley’s eyes are trained on her.

“The city? Or something else?”

“Both, I think,” Kelley’s smirking now, and Emily doesn’t know if she can take it, “although one slightly more than the other.”

Someone from inside screams ‘3 minutes!’ and Kelley moves closer to her now, her freckles almost visible in the dim lighting.

“Is that so,” Emily finds herself murmuring. 

(she might also be going insane.)

“Yup,” she pops the ‘p’, “but I’m not sure if this ‘something else’ knows that.”

Emily pauses for a moment, and then out comes the one insightful comment she’s had today. “I don’t know if they’re ready to hear it,” she whispers.

It’s then that the shouts from inside trickle out.

“ _ Thirty _ —”

Kelley takes another step right up to her and she doesn’t back away.

“ _ Twenty _ —”

Emily sees the moment Kelley’s eyes flit down to her lips—just a second, and maybe it could also be a trick of the light, but she’s still sure she saw it.

“ _ Ten _ —”

Now Emily can see the freckles on Kelley’s face, the lights reflecting off her eyes.

“ _ Five, four _ —”

Kelley finds Emily’s wrists, grabs onto them.

_ “ _ — _ three, two _ —”

She leans up—

_ “ _ —one!”

—and suddenly her lips touch Emily’s cheek, just a light brush that leaves Emily wondering whether they were even there in the first place.

Kelley leans in a little further, whispers in her ear.

“Happy New Year, Em.”

And then she leans back, giving Emily a little smile before tugging the door open and heading back inside, and all that’s left is the wind blowing on the mark where Kelley’s lips used to be.

\---

She doesn’t remember how she got home that night.

But, later, when she’s nursing her hangover, scrolling through the texts she sent and photos she posted, she can’t help but feel like it was all a dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stay safe out there, guys.
> 
> also thank you for the support. it always means a lot, and your comments make my day :))


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> black lives matter, defund the police, and happy pride.
> 
> [here's](https://varvesivy.tumblr.com/post/620370095572746240/list-of-petitions-that-still-need-signatures) a list of petitions to sign and [here's](https://varvesivy.tumblr.com/post/620461819748925440/vanessagillings-a-few-resources-to-help-learn) some more resources/other things you can do to help.
> 
> quite disappointed in both kelley and sonnett's lack of response. idk how i feel about posting this either, but I've got this written and it's been two months so

There are two weeks of reprieve where all she’s doing is training, doing two-a-days and putting her body through the wringer to make sure next week’s camp won’t _completely_ deck her. Kelley texts her and she texts Kelley back, but there’s no mention of whatever happened on Kelley’s balcony that night. Emily doesn’t try to breach the topic and it seems like Kelley doesn’t either.

There are a couple hints though—one time Emily asks Kelley what she’s doing and she replies with a photo of herself watching the Gunners, those #19 shorts in plain view and Emily, well—

Emily sends Kelley a photo of the shorts _she’s_ wearing, which just happen to be the same fucking thing.

(‘never stop wearing those,’ Kelley texts her then, and emily almost falls out of her chair.)

Then there’s the routine of packing, saying goodbye to her family while rushing to catch Kelley and Moe at the airport, and as she’s sitting in her Uber waiting for a green light it hits Emily that she’ll actually be seeing Kelley in person again.

She rushes through security since Kelley’s just texted her she’s waiting for her at the terminal (with coffees) and Emily almost forgets to put her shoes back on, but she gets there eventually. Picking out Kelley’s face in the crowd isn’t a problem, but then Emily notices someone sitting beside her—

It’s Hope.

(emily’s heart sinks all the way down, dropping below her feet, and it’s not like she wasn’t expecting this at some point but here? now? it just seems like too much.)

“Hey Sonnett!” Kelley greets, and Hope looks up too to give her a small wave.

“Hi Kelley, Solo-” Emily replies, plastering a smile onto her face as Hope gives her the once-over, giving Kelley a ‘thanks’ as she gives Emily her coffee.

“Hope stayed with me this past week,” Kelley cuts in, “and it’s just easier for her to fly out from here.”

“Yeah, it’s definitely easier,” Emily nods awkwardly, taking a sip of coffee after just to avoid looking at their facial expressions.

She can still feel Hope’s eyes trained on her as Kelley chatters about her new apartment, and suddenly Emily feels like she’s intruding - Hope and Kelley sitting across from her, Hope’s hand lying on Kelley’s thigh.

Thankfully, Moe shows up right then, plopping down next to Emily ranting about how slow the TSA screening line was. The conversation lasts until they’re on the plane, except—

“Hey, Sonny, would it be ok if you traded seats with Hope?”

Kelley’s already sitting in her seat and Hope’s shoving her carry-on in the overhead when Emily gets to what was _her_ seat, right next to Kelley, and there’s a sour feeling in her mouth. Moe coughs from behind her, not subtle at _all_ while Emily’s forced to make a decision between being a dick and sitting next to strangers.

“It’s just, we booked her plane ticket a little late so Hope’s sitting a little far from us,” Kelley continues, “please, I’ll owe you forever.”

Emily really doesn't want to get on Hope’s bad side, with Hope already glaring at her, so she snatches the ticket out of Kelley’s hand.

“You better get me some _really_ good avocado toast,” Emily says, and Moe coughs even louder from behind her while someone else screams “move it!”.

She ends up getting an emergency exit seat, right next to someone who decided it was a good idea to take their sneakers off, and maybe it’s time that she think about what all this is doing to her.

\---

Kelley and Hope somehow end up rooming together at camp, and Emily spends most of her time with Lindsey, Sam, and this young-ass kid Mal who reminds her a lot of herself just a few months ago. She’s good though, certainly better than Emily was at 17, but the first national camp is always nerve-wracking and Emily takes it upon herself to make her feel as comfortable as possible.

(just like Kelley did, actually, when emily first got there, and the thought resonates while she tells mal about how she tripped into alex at her second ever camp.)

On the night before their friendly, Emily’s lying awake after drinking a little too much Diet Coke after dinner. She probably won’t be getting the start tomorrow, and it’s stressing her out a little - she never gets that much playing time, and the little time that she _does_ get she always manages to be utterly unremarkable.

There’s always the possibility that any one of these camps could be her last.

Feels unsettled, she turns to look at the ceiling from her bed, letting her mind drift past this terrifying possibility, past her average performance in camp, and all the way to Kelley. And Hope.

(Kelley & hope has a certain ring to it, emily thinks.)

Kelley’s barely talked to her this past camp and Emily feels like she knows why; Hope is her friend or something, and Emily’s not exactly deaf to the articles and rumors surrounding her. She’s in no position to judge though, really having no idea who Hope even is on a personal level.

Part of her understands, then, why Kelley’s been sticking by Hope so much this last camp, but part of her is also filled with jealousy because _she_ wants to spend time with Kelley as well.

But there’s nothing she can do, so Emily rolls back onto her side, and tries to fall asleep.

\---

Mal gets her first cap, scores a goal, and Emily gets eight minutes of playing time.

She’s still ecstatic though, watching from the bench as Mal brings back her leg and buries the ball into the back of the net and she’s cheering so loud she can’t even hear the people around her because even if she can’t be on the field, she can do this; be a really good fucking teammate and cheer as loud as fucking possible for the newbie who’s now got one cap and one goal to her national tally sheet.

They end up going to a Cheesecake Factory instead of a bar to celebrate after the friendly and split a cheesecake among the 23 of them. The restaurant's close enough to their hotel that most of the team decides to walk back.

Emily steps outside with Lindsey and sees the team still there waiting for them - Mal talking happily with Sam, Tobin and Alex in some sort of argument, but then she sees Kelley standing off to the side, scrolling through her phone.

“I’ll be right back,” Emily says, and Lindsey cocks an eyebrow up but doesn’t say anything.

She jogs over to Kelley, who shoves her phone in her pocket when she sees Emily, giving her a small smile.

“Hey,” Kelley says. “How’re you doing? I feel like I’ve barely talked to you these past couple of days.”

“Hanging in there,” Emily replies. Part of her wants to scream that the reason Kelley feels like that is because she _hasn’t_ talked with Emily at all, really, but she holds herself back because she’s (hopefully) a better person than that.

“I just—,” Emily starts, and suddenly she feels like she has to get this out right here, right now, “I saw you’ve been hanging out with Hope a lot.”

“Yeah, I have. She decided to take an Uber back though, so…” 

Kelley looks away from Emily then, fixing her gaze on the neon sign on the other side of the street before looking back at Emily.

“She’s been going through a lot, needs someone to talk to, y’know?”

Kelley’s voice is soft and a beeping car wooshes by, drowning some of Emily’s thoughts out.

“I get that,” Emily replies quietly.

“I feel bad though,” Kelley continues, “I feel bad for not talking to you as much.”

Emily doesn’t say anything and that seems to spur Kelley on, because—

“And I think I should, uh, clear the air a little—I- we’re not dating or fucking or whatever. I know there’s been speculations and part of me feels like I don’t ever need to address them but I,” Kelley takes a deep breath, “I wanted you to know.”

What Kelley just said sinks in and Emily’s brain is suddenly in a whirlwind of _holy shit holy shit holy shit_ and—

“What- you’re not dating?” Emily asks.

(it certainly isn’t her most eloquent moment.)

“No, not even if I wanted to,” Kelley says.

Another car passes by and Emily hears Kelly sigh, looking almost wistfully up at the night sky.

“I can’t let myself be a homewrecker.”

_Oh._

It’s then that Emily feels ashamed—ashamed for believing that Kelley would let herself be that person, ashamed for thinking Hope would want to do such a thing—she should have more faith in people, goddamnit, and suddenly it feels like she’s spiraling from the guilt; assumptions, _assumptions_ , her stupid brain coming up with these fantasies without any rhyme or reason and—

“Hey”

Someone’s—Kelley’s hand is on her shoulder and they’ve separated from the rest of the team, walking a couple of paces behind them.

“Hey,” Kelley repeats, “you okay?”

Emily blinks a couple of times, takes a deep breath.

“I’m fine,” she replies, and if she was paying attention a little more she’d notice Kelley’s worried gaze, but Emily looks straight forward this time to avoid Kelley’s stare.

“If you say so.”

Kelley’s hand moves down, then, holding onto Emily’s wrist like she’s guiding her forward or something, except she isn’t rushing to catch up with the team.

They just go at their own pace, actually, and Emily’s too tired to read into it.

“I noticed you’ve been talking to Mal a lot,” Kelley says, and Emily’s a little surprised she’s noticed anything involving Emily but she shoves that thought out of her mind for the time being.

“Yeah. Gotta make her feel comfortable with you ruthless vets.”

“You think we’re ruthless?” Kelley asks, eyebrow raised, a little smirk on her face.

“Or something,” Emily replies, but apparently she’s decided to go for honest today because her voice softens and—

“Actually, I don’t know what to think. I just-,” she pauses for a moment, “Alex and Tobin have their shit and Hope’s still kinda scary and I don’t know the other vets well enough to decide whether they’re actually ruthless or whatever.” 

Kelley stops them and suddenly her arms are around Emily’s waist, enveloping her in a hug and Emily can’t help but melt into it, shut off her brain for a second.

“No one here is ruthless,” Kelley murmurs, and Emily’s about to protest that that’s not actually what she meant but Kelley’s one step ahead of her, “yeah, I know you didn’t mean it that way.”

“It took me a couple of months to feel really comfortable, y’know,” Kelley continues after they’ve broken apart, now even further behind the rest of the team. “Like, I was kinda like you in joking around and shit but I didn’t feel like a full part of the team until, what, three, four months in?”

Emily stills.

“Really?”

“Is that so hard to believe?”

She blinks. “It’s just- you’re Kelley O’Hara. I doubt you’ve ever felt uncomfortable in your life.”

Kelley blinks back at her now and it hits Emily that maybe this was the wrong thing to say, but there’s no taking anything back now.

“Nah, I definitely have,” Kelley replies with a laugh, and she’s looking at Emily a little weirdly for whatever reason, “why would you think that?”

“You always seem to have everything,” Emily stalls for a moment, “held together.”

Kelley’s still looking at her weirdly though, so she decides to stop shoving her foot in her mouth and just wave it off, “never mind.”

They hit a “Don’t Walk” sign and Kelley finally looks away.

“Okay.”

Eventually, they descend into lighter topics; Emily brings up Timothy the Porcelain Succulent and Kelley somehow instantly knows what she’s talking about, Kelley asks about avocado toast and Emily tells her how she’s had it like three times since they last saw each other. Before they know it, they’re turning into the hotel entrance and the mood seems to drop just like that.

Kelley turns to Emily again, lets go of her wrist. “Who’s your roommate again?”

“Kling,” Emily says, and now they’re face-to-face and suddenly Emily’s flashing back to Kelley’s balcony, New Year’s Eve with the city lights reflecting in Kelley’s eyes and it could almost be the same except there’s so much _noise_ around them and Kelley looks tired too, _so_ tired and it’s getting harder to keep herself centered.

“Hey,” Kelley says, grabbing onto Emily’s hands again. “You okay? You drifted off again.”

“Yeah, fine,” Emily murmurs. “Swell.”

Kelley looks at her like she’s worried about her and Emily feels like Kelley’s about to say something more. Instead, she just lets go of Emily’s hands and pulls her in for another hug.

“Get some sleep tonight, ok?” Kelley whispers into Emily’s ear and it almost brings her back to the balcony again.

Emily doesn’t say anything as they pull apart and they just stare at each other for a moment, but then Kelley pulls on her wrist again and the moment’s broken.

“Come on. Let’s go back in.”

\---

Later that night, Emily’s just finished packing and she’s lounging on her bed, just about ready to doze off when her phone buzzes in her hand. It jolts her awake, and she’s about to turn her phone off and slam it onto the nightstand beside her when she sees it’s from Kelley.

She’s sent a photo of what she’s planning to wear tomorrow on their flight back to Georgia - specifically, those goddamn shorts again and Emily’s about to choke on her own spit.

It’s so— _public_ , so _daring_ in a way that would seem normal to any unknowing eye but Emily knows it’s anything but. Even worse, the ball’s in her court, in a way; Kelley knows she has the shorts, knows she brings them to every camp for whatever reason, knows they’re currently stuffed in her suitcase.

There’s the option to do the exact same thing that Kelley’s doing.

The first thing that comes to her mind is that the fans would go _insane_ and that’s enough to stop Emily right in her tracks. She’s not nearly established enough to have that kind of stuff circulating around without degrading _her_ , essentially dragging Kelley down with her as well.

(really, the truth is, she isn’t ready for the possibility yet and she’s suddenly on that balcony again, wind flying through her hair, Kelley whispering whether she’s ready for the truth and she isn’t, she isn’t in the least.)

Emily shows up to the bus next morning wearing black sweatpants like she’d originally planned. Kelley gives her a nod from across the room and Emily just stares back for a moment. It feels pretty discreet, but then Lindsey elbows her and Emily knows she’s noticed.

At least she waits until they’re seated on the bus to interrogate her.

“What was that about?” Lindsey asks, a little too loud for seven am and Emily wants her to shut up already.

“Nothing,” Emily lies, but Lindsey doesn’t buy it.

“That was not nothing,” Lindsey retorts. “You guys did some head-nod thing. Like some secret language shit. And then you just gave her heart-eyes—”

Emily elbows Lindsey’s side.

“Shut the _fuck_ up,” she whispers, because having anyone else hear this would be disastrous. Never mind that the bus is completely silent right now, save for a few bags rustling but there isn’t much talking at all.

“And I wasn’t giving her heart-eyes.”

Lindsey shakes her head, grinning, “You totally were.”

Emily rolls her eyes and shoves her earbuds in, and Lindsey pouts from beside her but five minutes later she’s resting her head onto Emily’s shoulder, dozing off, and Emily lets out a sigh before going back to scrolling through her phone.

\---

_Thursday, 9:17 am_

_[emily]_ hey are you at starbucks?

_[kell]_ Yeah. Got your caffeine ready for you ;)

_[kell]_ Do you like my clothing choices for today?

_[emily]_ they’re certainly something, kell

_[emily]_ if i were a fashion columnist i would say ‘bold, daring, showstopping’

_[emily]_ but i’m not so you’re stuck w the first description

_[kell]_ That’s unfortunate. Do I get anything to make up for it?

_[emily]_ look up and see ;))

Kelley looks up from her phone then and Emily can see she’s parsing through the crowd, looking for her, until her eyes finally find Emily and she breaks into a grin.

“Good morning,” Kelley says as she hands Emily her coffee and they walk to their terminal together, as if she hadn’t texted Emily that three hours ago. It’s oddly touching.

“‘Morning,” Emily replies, and she has the sudden urge just to gets something out of the way, just to—

“No Hope today?”

“Nah,” Kelley says casually, “she’s going home. We’ll see her next camp though, hopefully.”

Emily pauses.

“What do you mean by hopefully?”

“There’s just- a lot happening right now,” Kelley says, and she looks away for whatever reason, stalling. 

“It’s a long story though, so nevermind.”

“No,” Emily protests, “no, get it off your chest, okay? I’m pretty sure friendship is supposed to go two ways, so, like, you’re listening to all of my shit all the time and I always feel like I’m never being there for you so—”

Kelley puts a hand on Emily’s forearm, and she takes a deep breath.

“Just- I’m here, okay? If you need me.”

A moment passes and then Emily registers that there’s an unreadable expression on Kelley’s face as she looks at her, except it’s there for only a moment more before disappearing and shifting into something much more familiar. She’s wondering what she just witnessed, but then Kelley starts talking again and Emily turns her attention back.

“Thank you,” Kelley murmurs, and it sounds a bit- raw, actually, and they’re sitting in a half-empty terminal on a Thursday morning with sunlight pouring through the windows and all Emily can think of is how open everything feels.

“You’ve heard the news, right? The rumors?” Kelley asks a little bit later, and Emily angles herself towards Kelley a little bit more, gives her a slight nod. She sighs, then Emily’s instinctively sticking out her hand and Kelley grasps onto it, almost like a lifeline.

“Some people think that they’re going to suspend Hope from playing. Because of what she’s said about equal pay and all that. And all the,” she waves her hands around, “other stuff that’s personal that I shouldn’t tell you about.”

“Well, that wasn’t the plan, was it,” Emily murmurs and Kelley turns to look at her, a little smirk on her face. “Just whatever’s bothering you, right?”

“You’re right.”

Emily’s tempted to make Kelley say it again but she doesn’t feel like pushing her luck today, so she just smirks back instead.

“Hope thinks she’s going to get suspended too, though.”

And that knocks the wind out of her.

It’s one thing to have the rumor mills churning - they’re always going, of course - but it’s a completely different thing to acknowledge it yourself and even worse, believe it. Especially when it’s something as serious as this.

“What?” Emily finally chokes out. “They can’t do that.”

“But Hope says it’s a possibility,” Kelley says, and maybe there’s a glossy sheen over her eyes that Emily doesn’t want to notice, “and as much as I don’t want it to be, I think it could happen too. I wouldn’t put it below them.”

Kelley’s hand is still in hers and she squeezes it, gets Kelley to look up at her again.

“Anyways, Hope is understandably super stressed about this,” Kelley continues. “So she came over for the past, like, week or two, and we’ve just been talking and trying to relax the whole time.”

They don’t say anything for a couple of moments, letting the bustling airport fill the silence and Kelley squeezes _her_ hand this time.

“I’m sorry,” Emily says. “I’m sorry that this is how it is.”

Kelley leans in and before Emily knows it she’s wrapped in Kelley’s arms, resting her chin on Kelley’s shoulder.

“I am too,” Kelley echos, “I am too.”

**Author's Note:**

> if you want, come talk to me on tumblr @toboggan23!


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